The Gift That Keeps On Giving........

I like to think that there is a reasonable explanation for everything.

There are two sides to every story.

Break down complex problems into small pieces and start with the simplest one first and life gets much clearer I think.

There are no mysteries just problems waiting to be solved.

But every now and than you come across some nasty looking piece of logic left in the middle of the road by some fucked up nut that makes you stop and say what the hell is this?

Case in point I was outside over at a friend's place talking when one of her neighbors drove up got out of her car with her boyfriend and kid and went to her apartment.

My friend remarked how she couldn't stand the woman, now before I could stop my self I asked why, seeing how the last time I was around they were very friendly with each other.

Apparently they had a falling out.

Observation: What I have noticed, and some of you might want to take this as a warning, is that when women fall out with each other, or with men for that matter, every little dirty secret that they shared with each other gets thrown out in the street.

She than tells me that this woman is,

1- divorced,

2- former stripper,

3- bisexual but is currently dating this one dude.

4- she is 37 he is 25,

5- he despite being younger is controlling in the relationship and demands that she be around at all times when he is not out doing something.

6- she has herpes which she contracted from her ex husband.

I stopped her on the last part, she had me hooked so I asked the obvious questions, like does the current boyfriend know?

Yes he knows or rather he was informed by her after they slept together a few times.

Her rational for this is that she was not having an out break, they only had sex with out a condom twice and she regularly takes her medication for it.

Here is a little bit of info for you, some one who has herpes simplex viruses type 1 or 2 can transmit the virus to another person with out having out break.

A condom will not save you and the medication does not cure you.



So dude gets tested and comes out negative, but get this......he comes back to her.


I thought I was hearing things but hell I just saw him get out the car with her so I guess so.

I don't know maybe it's just me......

I could be overly sensitive.......

Maybe I am just not that opened minded.......

I just cant see my self running back into the arms of a woman who gave me an STI......

No, hell no, especially after I lucked out and tested negative.

When I worked in a clinic I came across all sorts of diseases that would make the CDC blow up, and I never blinked an eye.

But herpes was the one thing I just couldn't be around, it shook the hell out of me, made my skin crawl.

I can deal with HIV, full blown AIDS, Swine Flu, walking pneumonia, bacterial meningitis you name it.

Not herpes.

So at this point I am not even thinking of her trifling ass I'm think about his trifling ass and what the hell is running through his head.


And I don't want to hear that love mess either.


Sharing a disease might be the ultimate expression of love from what ever planet these two are from but I would rather take a bullet for you instead.

That is just twisted.

Now I know there are people who are desperate for companionship, they need a person, any type of person, to make them feel whole.

But come the hell on man, herpes?


Y'all nasty as hell out here man.

Mathematical Dysfunction

Take one 15 year old girl.

Add 18 year old boy.

Divided by 18 year old boy's 18 year old girlfriend.

And get 15 year old girl with a slashed face.


I wish I could feel sorry for the kid but I cant, hell wish I could say I am angry about it all but not really.

I am cold as ice to these things like this.

I can only see what should be done.

1- get the parents more involved

2- mentoring for kids

3- helping women to deal with anger better

4- telling women not to put everything they have in a man

5- get fathers involved in their daughters lives so they don't seek out what there missing in older boys arms

6- tell men to stop preying on young girls

7- anger management

And that's with out knowing all the details.

Watch What You Say..........

I came across this post over at True Urban Queen, and it got me thinking.

For those who don't know there was some issues on the reality show Real House Wives of Atlanta, (a show points out that cash and class do not go togther), about Kandi's former "alleged" fiance who has a few baby mommas.

It seems there are a few people on and off the show who have problems with that.

It goes from having issues with dude having too many out of wedlock kids to dude having kids at all.

All complaints from women.

Now this is a case were everyone should be watching what they say.

I think if your talking about a serious relationship than yeah you have to take into consideration the kids, X 10 if your a man.

For a woman it maybe that they don't want to deal with a baby mommas but chances are you will see little of them or the kids.

Most men have to go get them and women are not obligated to go along for the ride.

A woman can get away with that.

For a dude dealing with a woman with kids is another story.

Everything is either planned around or with the kids in mind.

It means the kids are in your face all the time and you are automatically expected to participate in their lives at some point.

Doesn't matter if she has the same baby daddy, (I like this fantasy women tell themselves that they are some how a step above others in the minds of men because they got the same baby daddy for their kids, think again ladies).

Now the reason I point this out is that pressure from outsiders may have contributed to Kandi's relationship demise.

Which pretty much makes her a weak ass woman in my book to be letting outsiders get in her head.

Add to the fact that you let other women WHO NEVER BEEN MARRIED, and OR ARE BABY MOMMAS themselves, including Kandi own momma tell you about your self looks real weak.

Now this goes back to watch what you say because if men kept the same attitude of women who do not want to deal with men with kids than there would be a lot of lonely baby mommas out there with dusty coochies.

Im Feeling These Lunch Dates.

For some one who is supposed to be wishing all women a serious case of swine flu like yeast infections I damn sure find myself in their company a lot.

Ive been doing the lunch date thing quite a bit lately.

Monday I took, will call her...Ms. K, to lunch at Moe's.

Nice little semi Mexican spot with good food in Decatur.

Ive knew her through a neighbor she was staying with were always hanging out in front of our building like it's a New York corner so we new each other casually.

She is chocolate skin, full lips with puffy cheeks, she has the type of eyes that squint up when she isn't wearing her glasses but she looks real good with frames on.

We were chilling and I decided to ask her out for lunch which she agreed to, you see when you do the lunch thing it is like a pre date date.

When you take out some at night there is the understanding that this is a getting to know you date to see what road we are taking which should lead straight to the bed.

For some women knowing the end goal can be like a knowing the end of a book or a movie, basically they'll get around to reading or watching it when they feel like it.

But the lunch date?

Aha, now that right there is my opportunity to see what type of woman you are first cause in the middle of the day your not thinking about how the night is going to end your thinking about how the day ends.

It's like that movie were the guy masturbates before going out with a woman, joke if you want but that is the truth, bust one before you go out and you will be shocked how attentive and patient you are with a woman no matter how hot she is.

So that's what the lunch date feels like your more paying attention to what this lady is about and I did find out a bit.

The conversation was smooth going over some nachos and cold fruit juice, which was well need considering how hot it was that day.

She not too long ago separated from her husband who was cheating on her, leaving her three sons in his custody, that's why she was crashing at her cousin and his girl's house till she got back on her feet.

She got married at 16 is now 28, and never worked a day in her life and is currently unemployed, (not a good look), and has no intention of going back to him, (I understand that), but does plan on getting married again, (wont be me) and having another kid, (damn sure it wont be me).

Plans on going back to school, (good) for medical billing, (not good), she has a tongue ring, (freak), smokes weed, (don't care), drinks, (welcome to the club), sleeps all day, (problem), and hinted at being bisexual, (JACKPOT!!).

She seems like a nice woman but truth is I am just going through the motions, I'm still shell shocked from the go around with the ex so i have been giving women big talk and no action.

I ain't going to bust a grape with her, and I knew it going in, but I figure if I get back in the saddle I'll be flying down the trail in no time.

So I'll probably be posting a lot more of these day light rendezvous, but hey I got nothing better to do.

Peace.

A Question For The Moral Compass.

Here is some background, I have noticed a change in a friend who I was really digging, but she was just not into me.

Before it was all about marriage having another kid to add to the ones she has, and being loved.

Now it's about hustling dudes, partying, and what not.

Just real grimy type of stuff that she does that either has started up recently or I may have never noticed before.

Well this "church" going girl who a few years ago was so against abortion now decides to get one since she got knocked up by some dude.

The dude refuses to give up the money for it and says to her "that's your problem".

This "church" going girl than gets her cousins to beat dude down and wreck his car.

This friend than comes to me crying about the situation she is in but doesn't ask me for the money but instead asks for money to get her car title out of pawn which she will re pawn for the $500 it apparently costs to get an abortion.

I go ahead and give it to her.

I am no saint but my moral code is drawn at the line of abortion in any case except rape, incest, or the chance the mother loses her life.

But since she is asking for money for the car and not the abortion I think it's OK.

But now the back of my mind is moving up to the front and mixing me up, I am feeling I violated my own moral code here.

If a crack head ask you for money to get something to eat and you know he is just going to buy crack with it but you give it to him anyway you are an enabler.

So now I am thinking I just enabled this woman to do what she is going to do anyway and I am feeling twisted about it, I feel like I sinned.

I cant ask for the money back at this point.

And to top it off I am really some what disgusted by her a little bit for the way she has been turning out, I KNOW I cant look at her as the same person I met and that irks me to no ends.

People evolve and some degenerate but rarely do they stay the same as they were when they were younger.

But when your not ready for their growth you can get sucked into the hurricane that is their life and you make a move or two based on that which will begin to fuck with you.

She is going to sleep sound tonight, and I am going to be tossing and turning.

I need a vacation from my mind right now.

To All The Moms........

Love Lock Down

Well since the "incident" that almost took place, I decided I need a break from women right now.
Hell to be blunt, I'm just not in the mood to be around anything that bleeds once a month and gives birth to a person.

I'm bitter as fuck right now, I cant lie, I'm pissing acid even Kanye West's 808 and Heartbreaks album is starting to sound good as hell to me right now.

I don't want to be around them right now until I'm at least 100% in my mind set, because that chick was supposed to get it in the worst way.

I'm talking about even after I decided not to do her I still thought about putting some sugar in her gas tank, carving ho into her car, smearing dog ish on her door handle, all sorts of nonsense.

Hell I was going to put her name and pic on Craig's List under "services" complete with name, number, and address.

But after the Craig's List murderer was busted I decided that was not a good idea, I mean if I'm not going to do it than I don't want any one else to.

That is not a mind set I want to carry on into another relationship.

See that way I don't take out my frustrations on some poor woman who did nothing wrong to me.

And it doesn't help that women who have been around me of late are prone to showing their ass at any given moment.



Case in point Ms. BootyStar was complaining about not being appreciated by her family for the things that she decides to do such as taking care of her sister's kids.

The woman went on a tirade because on of the little girls rushed out the house to get to school with out saying good by to her.

This of course means that the kid in her mind is going to turn out like her mother, and basically talk trash about her.

Now she is yelling, I mean straight up screaming about it to me and pissing me off.

So I tell her the truth, it's not that you are not feeling unappreciated you want some one to kiss your ass on command and every one is fed up with.

That why your boyfriend would rather spend time hanging with his boys than you, it's why none of your family pays attention to you.

So of course she gets mad hangs up on me and haven't heard from her since.

Good riddance.

Than there is is Ms. E a young girl who has taken a liking to me, she gets my number we talk a couple of times, and next thing I know she is asking for rides every were and asking me to buy her weed.

We haven't even gone out on a date yet, bye, bye to that.

Than there is the good girl who has not done anything, but has a keen interest in me going to med school which is making me think "if I'm not good enough for you now, what the fuck makes you think that you will good enough for me if I decide to go and graduate?".

Yeah so every one is out, I'm taking a vacation and locking down the heart for a while.

That way I can concentrate on other things and do me for a while.

Deal Breaker 9: The Bottler.

You ever met some one who liked to hold stuff inside of them and let it fester and all of a sudden they blow up in your face with what ever they were carrying around inside of them?

At the craziest time?

For something that might not even have anything with why they are mad?

And your left there trying to figure out what the hell was that all about?

And than it dawns on you that this person has been walking around screwed face with you while playing silent and smiling in your face and hasn't been saying anything letting you think everything is cool?

Who do you think should shoulder that?

If you ask me, (and I know you didn't but too late here it comes), it's the bottler.

Here is the thing, I like to consider myself an approachable guy, a person can ask me anything at all, and I'll answer them.

Now the answer you get may not be what you like to hear, but rest assured it will be an honest answer from me for how I feel about it at the time.

That way there are no misunderstandings, no fake attitude going on, no behind the back mess.

No two faced nonsense going on.


Get it out in the open and deal with it like adults.

Cause contrary to popular belief I am not a mind reader or a detective.

And if it is that serious we can go are separate ways with out having to be jerks about it.



See that way I still have respect for you even if we cant agree.

I dated a woman who had issues with me not wanting to stay on the phone with her.

As soon as the convo got stale I would just say call you next time, nothing more, no big deal.

No running off to chase some other woman, didn't mean I didn't like you, just meant I didn't want to stay on the phone listening to air.

She got mad with me when I was trying to get off the phone with her one night and dumped me on the spot.

I was like what?!

Now if she had said something before I would have made an adjustment, got a damn blue tooth and just left the ear piece on.

Than there was the one who got upset with me cause I didn't speak a lot.

I could come be with her and not say two words to her all day and kiss her on the cheek goodbye when I left.

Didn't mean I was up set with her.

Didn't mean I was caught up in thought.

It meant that when I have something important to say I would say it, that's what the hell it meant!

But know not her I get a talking to about why I have an attitude in the middle of Fox Theater.

WTF?

What kind of passive-aggressive nonsense is that?

Again if it was that serious and she said something I would have said something, hell I would of read the news paper or read a woman's magazine and talked your God damn ear off if you wanted.

But I refuse to take blame for this, no.

No not for this mon cheri.....some other justifiable offense that I am sure I will do in the course of the relationship that will make you contemplate grinding up glass in my food or throwing hot grits one me but this my love?

No, no, no, no, not this.

You see I have a bad habit of thinking that grown people I talk to act their age.

That's what I think.

I figure well hell I am grown man, she is grown woman, so will act grown and open our mouths and speak when thought arrive there.

That's the impression I was under.

I believe this, I am old school, I would rather die alone in a cold grave than spend my life with a woman who is too childish to speak her mind and than blames me for not getting the "hints".

It's more about you and your thin skin than us as a team in the relationship.

I can not play with them.

I can not build with them.

I can not respect them.

Cant do it.

Deal Breaker.

Deal Breaker 8: Unconditional Love.

"Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of his actions or beliefs."

Don't even ask me about that.

Never again will I do that BS again.

You know what they say about it being better to love and loss than not to love at all?

I wish I caught the mutha who said that, I would still be beating his ass.

See what they don't tell you about unconditional love is that it is an unstable, irrational and volatile emotion that will explode into a fiery inferno usually caused by realization by one partner that the other partner has abused, mistreated, betrayed, bartered or rejected the love you have given to them.

And that realization turns into the most debilitating pain known to man, it cripples you, it leaves a poisonous bile that seeps from your shattered heart into your guts blocking any food from coming in and expelling anything from you guts out.


It creeps into your bones like a cancer and robs you of strength leaving you paralysed were you lay.

It creeps into your eyes and effects the retina's making you sensitive to light, seeking out the cool embrace of darkness.

It moves in waves into your brain like syphilis gone unchecked and slowly pushes you to madness.

It twists your soul into a an ugly bitter thing, like a child abused all it's life all it knows and can give is pain.

That is the other side of unconditional love they don't talk about.

But with that pain boys and girls comes a clarity of the mind, a moment of sobriety in a drunken sea of misery.

That's when the mind wraps it's self around a cool logic, a rational that steadies it's self.

Things start to make sense.

Every blues song ever made becomes your gospel.


You decipher things, like Mercutio's Queen Mab rant wasn't a fanciful rant or warning, but a broken man who has had his heart ripped by love and is bitter as hell about it.

(Move to the 2:00 mark for the Queen Mab. )




Things like murder makes sense......


.......and so does the motivation of a murder.


Unconditional love is insanity that leads into a criminal insanity, waiting patiently for it's next sucker to hop on board it's love express and lose his or hers natural fucking mind.



This is what unconditional love leads to if unchecked.


No grown man or woman should ever talk about loving some one unconditionally, hell God doesn't even love us unconditionally!

Think I am lying?!

Think about it.

It is clear as day light, you sin you lose and you burn.

Take you ass to church, temple, or the mosques all you want chump, if you ain't doing right the other days your going to the devils barbecue and your ass is on the menu.



Unconditional love is for little kids who don't know better, puppy love......



Hell no you can keep that friends, take that cup away from me, I want no part of that evil brew.

Instead I will take conditional love.

Conditional love comes with rules, it comes with the understanding that if you fuck me over I am out, the blog is full of my conditions so no need to rehash them.

Bottom line thats the only way it is going to work for me.

Deal Breaker.


Pssst.....dont forget to check out Diversity Ink.

Chick Friendly Porn

Now any single dude worth his salt has porn stashed away somewhere, it's comes standard in the resident where staying in, doesn't have to be a lot could, be in any media, pics, video, DVD, magazines what ever.

It's a must have in the house like a couch, or plates and cups.

And that pornography has almost always been created with men in mind, since men dollars are believed to fuel the billion dollar industry.

Now I have never given that much thought to that because......well.....it naked women doing nasty things in a ever so good way, I don't want to think about it!

That is until I was looking on Amazon for some blaxploitation movies to add to my collection when I came across a title on the net that was described as women friendly pornography, (you type in the word Afro in the search bar and your going to get all sorts of crazy ish).

Let me rephrase that, it was described as "independent art film", you can go either way with the word art now.

From my favorite artist Ernie Barnes beautiful depiction of black life, such as "Singing Sistahs".

To this lazy S.O.B. Andres Serrano's Piss Christ.


I mean really now, never mind the vulgarity of the symbolism if you think it such, lets focus on the pure, uncut, unmitigated gall of the idea to piss in a jar throw a crucifix in it and call it art, and than get critical acclaim for it!

Damn if that is not a hustler finding an easy mark for a beginners con!

My apologies I digress, back to the chick friendly porn.....

My first thought was porn is porn whats the difference?

But after giving it some serious thought I have to be honest and say that the majority of pornography out there are not women friendly, to be honest they are out right hostile if you think about it.

In almost every way, starting with the titles All Dat Azz, Hit It From The Back, and other imaginative names.

Than you move on to the women who although paid well in the major productions (if you can call them that), are easily disposable, and WAY OVER WORKED, (some of them have done movies in the thousands).

They are really no more than walking talking blow up dolls made to visually stimulate the viewer, who is predominantly male, by acting out the fantasy that are running through are head which we will than will than use as a blue print to how we express ourselves sexually with a woman foreplay be damned.

The only real consideration for women has happened in the last 10 to 15 years were the physical appearance of male stars have been improved to good looking super studs from the rock trolls that were working over the women before.

I can see how women might not enjoy porn, at least not as much as men.

So I decided to order the DVD and take a look to see what the difference was.

I got the DVD in less than two days, my kudos to Amazon and the seller, that was two weeks ago I just watched it Tuesday.

The movie is called Candida Royalle's AfroDite Superstar.

Candida Royalle is an American producer and director of couples-oriented pornography and a former pornographic actress.


"In 1980 she founded Femme Productions, with the goal of making erotica based on female desire. Her productions are aimed more to women and couples than to the standard pornographic audience of men, and they have been praised by therapists for portraying in general a more realistic and emotional picture of sex. "

The director is called Venus Hottentot whose real name is Abiola Abrams ,



she is described as a "feminist art school graduate who wanted to make a film that showed positive sexual representations of women of color to directly contrast the images in pop culture music videos, films and magazines, while also employing comedy and satire".

It should be noted that she also does some work for BET, just to put some perspective out there.

Together they created a movie that I did my very best to actually bottle up my testosterone and let out the feminine side out as they say to better give an objective eye to the movie,(if I got a feminine side you best believe she is an ultra butch lesbian on her way to a sex change operation).

This is what the product description reads;

Have you ever dreamed of being a superstar? AfroDite hasn't - not until she runs into CEO, the mogul's mogul of hip hop. Catapulted into the world of mega-stars with her best friend Isis in tow, AfroDite quickly becomes a top selling rapper and nothing can keep her down - not wardrobe malfunctions, not lip syncing fiasco, nothing! Well, almost nothing. Finding herself a little socially challenged in the love department, her secret crush CEO only seems to see dollar signs on her forehead. Will AfroDite get her man? And will super stardom turn out to be everything she never wished for?

???

Man I wanted to hurry up and send that mutha back to where ever Lifetime/chick lit/chick movie spawned this joint, express mail.

But no, I need to see this, I myself am tyring to be women friendly, so that one day when asked by a women "are you listening to me" I can say yes and really mean it.

So I grabbed a bottle of Haitian rhum popped in the flick.......I mean film......and took a seat.


Lets shorten the plot up.

The movie it's self is a low budget affair but I wasn't expecting Lord of the Rings XXX, the protagonist of the movie is AfroDite who is the daughter of a very successful music mogul, while out at with her friend Isis a rapper wannabe, played by former porn star India, the two put on a rap show performance that attracts the attention of CEO played by another porn veteran Mr. Marcus who want Afrodite to be on his label based on her looks.

She hearts him, he is about his business, all the while the movie critiques the music industry sincerity complete stars who have no talent, ghostwriters put in the back ground, fake gangster rappers and all.

The movie even uses dated pop news controversies like lip syncing, wardrobe malfunctions, talent women forced to work the back ground in male dominate industry.

That is the bones of the movie so here are some observations.

1- With the exception of Mr. Marcus and India this is a very unattractive cast.

This was confusing to me since porn usually goes out of it's way to cast beautiful women, the greater appeal to men's fantasy.

I could be wrong but I am sure women who watch porn don't mind attractive people having sex.

If I was to speculate I would guess that pretty people in porn are not used to actually having to act thus limiting options, but that doesn't sound right considering that the ones in this movie are lousy at acting as well.

2- Dialog, a whole lot of it complete with quotes from the goddesses of feminism like Gloria Stienem, Naomi Wolfe, and Audre Lourde.

Not quite what I had in mind for a porn, but than again this is really erotica which is all about mind stimulation as opposed to porn which is all about visual stimulation.

3- This movie is preachy as hell, I mean overly so.

I always believed the best way to get a message across is to mix it with something sweet so it doesn't taste like medicine or in this case your being talked at.

It's the reason "conscience" rappers don't get mainstream attention and why idiots with a mic get it all.

This movie makes everything obvious pointing out what we already know about the Hip Hop industry and not offering any real solutions or even reason why it is the way it is.

4- You call these sex scenes?

Now this movie categorizes it's self as soft porn, but I was under the impression that your not supposed to see penetration or oral sex in those movies, but damn if you don't in this.

What is different is the way it is shot no extreme close ups of the genitals,
(which is annoying as hell in porn), kissing, and the women seem to genuinely enjoy the sex, as opposed to porn were things are so exaggerated you cant believe that the women really had an orgasm.

Another thing that was missing that threw me off was the missing money shots, also known as male ejaculation.

Now in porn I never understood the reason to show it in the first place, that's not why I want to watch it and it is pretty obvious that it is degrading to women since they are the targets.

Besides what man wants to pull out if he doesn't have to?

Don't believe me?

Go ask the nearest baby daddy, I am sure they will back me up.

5- The plot was all over the place, feminism, erotica, satire, pop critique, none of it blended well and it served as more of a distraction.

Hell I thought erotica was supposed to build up the sexual tension before going into the sex scenes not here, that's the one thing this movie has in common with porn it doesn't take much to get busy.


Bottom line after caging the dog in me, who is laughing it's ass off at me, to watch this I got to say this movie sucked big time.

It isn't porn but damn if I call it erotica, this was a statement movie and not a very good one, they were better off leaving the sex scenes out.

Your better off watching the Zane chronicles on showtime or renting the Trois series.

But I will say that this is the directors first time out so that counts, and the behind the scenes documentary was real good, in fact they could of just put that out.

Now this movie was made by women for women so I might be showing some male bias here, it's not the first time I didn't get it when it came to chick orientated media, probably wont be the last time either.

And it was black women orientated, not enough of that out here in the world so women might like it.

Me I'll pass, like music, and books, porn is just recycling the same BS anyway.

A Defense Of the Gold Digger.

Gold Digger: A woman who seeks money and expensive gifts from men.

Femi B had an interesting post about gold digging and i decided to expand on my comments left over there.

Gold digging women have been given a bad rap over the years by society who deem their business like approach to the opposite sex is less than admirable.

Yet they are doing only what has been instilled in them from the beginning of time by nature.

Self preservation by attaching themselves to the best provider.

You see the majority of animals that mates to procreate does so by seeking the best of the male species to do so in order to ensure strong offspring, food and safety.

It's the reason there is only one lion mating with all the females in the pride, why the male peacock flashes his colors, and why rams butt heads.

Competing for the female and showing them that they can provide what ever they need.

It's part of their DNA fueling the survival of the species.

And man is no exception to this rule, we have been doing it from the time we have started coming out of the caves, or Adam and Eve for the biblical.

The difference is that in the past the gold digging was handled by the parents usually the father who would seek a husband for his daughter and would pick only the suitors that would best provide for his daughter.

That practice still goes on in some parts of the world.

The problem is when women began to negotiate for themselves, because than marriage did not necessarily have to be the end goal in the negotiation, sex with a beautiful woman would do just fine.


Now this is not to be mistaken for prostitution, you see prostitutes can enter multiple, very short term, business deals at the same time with no worry of conflicts of interests.

The gold digger focuses on one male so long as he is providing her wants, she is exclusive to him and only moves on when the well run drys.

Also different from prostitutes who seek cash only, a gold digger is not bonded to money only.

She may be seeking celebrity, fame, notoriety, networking for her own ventures as well as the cash.

Now there is no need to feel sorry for the men in this, in fact they are the real problem in the whole matter when they refuse to recognize the relationship as it really is and instead fool themselves into thinking that this is a relationship based on love.

Than of course when the mercenary attitude of the gold digger is revealed they are shocked, hurt, and bitter of the whole thing.



And the gold digger is made out to be the villain, when she really is a misunderstood business woman.

It's the smart man who recognizes a business relationship for what it is and negotiates a price that is acceptable to both parties.

Even if it leads to marriage the man with a brain is going to have a prenuptual agreement that will satisfy both parties (prenup do not have to mean the woman gets nothing it just sets the amount that she gets some times with incentives put in place.).

We see gold diggers all the time.

Anna Nicole Smith....


..the gold standard and hall of famer.

Make no mistake that hat old man paid for her company, he knew what the hell he was doing he wanted to be with beautiful young woman and he paid for it.

Thus a deal gone right for both parties.

Kim Porter (yes she is most certainly is one)...

..B level very poor negotiating skills had children which are her only bargaining chips since she has no ring and P.Diddy doesnt plan on putting one on her anytime soon. (This one may have been blinded by love)


Karrine Steffans....

.....her whole career is based on chasing rich and powerful men and than boo hooing about her poor "mistreatment" by them into a book deal and more fame.

Think about it, what man in his right mind would date her knowing her reputation and that their business will be put out in the streets, unless of course her notoriety adds on to theirs?

Karrine is a C level digger because she is delusional about her role in the relationships and why she does it, look at what she tell these students.


Lets forget that they gave this idiot a mic and told her to speak in front of some college kids as if is she discovered the cure for cancer.

"I did it for you"?

And those girls were eating it up except for that one sista who saw what I saw.

Y'all women keep on following her Karrine's lead if you want, I'll leave it at that.

But back on topic.

The men who claim dirty about gold diggers are the one's who can not afford them or cut themselves a bad deal.

These are the one's who want to ride a Porsche for free, not even put anything in the gas tank.

Knowing damn well that if they were to get it they would abuse it and leave it.

Beta dogs angry that they are not treated like Alpha dogs.

Alpha dog upset that they got took.


No boys and girls I have no problem with gold diggers, I admire a good hustle, and honest work, when I see it.

The ones who abuse their deals are no different than others and are not a representation of the rest.

Deal Breakers 1: High School

This series will be high lighting my new standards for women in hopes of removing the headaches that keep on popping up in my life.

Here we go.

1- Women who do not graduate high school.

I have nothing against a high school diploma or a GED, college is not for every one and I have dated my share of "educated women" who were......lets face some really stupid ass broads that have no business breeding.

Intelligence and education are two different things, that do not come hand in hand.

How ever a woman with out a high school diploma or GED strike me as a woman who has either given up on life or is lazy.

Never mind slow.

Either way you can not ignore the facts that the lack of a middle education can be the catalyst to a substandard way of life, poor options and choices made.

As well as having too much time on your hand thus worrying about what the hell I am doing all the time.

So that is deal breaker number 1.

Stay tuned for the rest.

Quote For The Day

"I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right."

Richard Pryor

Your better than me jack, fail once it's my fault, fail twice it's her fault, fail three times than the game is broken and is not to be played again.

Quote For The Day.

"It would appear that the news of our untimely demise has been greatly exaggerated, for those who seek profit in our death I am sorry to disappoint you all."

Mr. & Mrs. Black Love

(actually the young couple are Adeline & Jorias Alezi but my point remains)

10 Reasons Why It's Hard to Date a Black Woman

Now while surfing for material for a post i came across this gem by Matthew Lynch that had me LMAO.

I have no idea how old the post is but I couldn't resist posting it.

Here is my favorite part;

When observing the condition of our intimate interaction, African Americans are no longer interested in courting, dating or harvesting the patience essential in the process of selecting the appropriate partner for our lives. To piggy back off of that point, many of us � men especially - in the African American community are slowly becoming more and more apathetic to concepts of relationships and marriage, let alone entertaining courtships with someone with the same color skin. Percentages of Black men and women dating outside their races have increased significantly over the last decade. More so now than ever, it has become more common to see a Black man with a white woman (or non-African American) on his arm. Though black women are no longer sitting around waiting on her black savior to come to his senses, as they have also begun testing the waters of alternative nationalities, the reasons as to why successful black men are not choosing black women once they reached the top remains a mystery. What is it about black women that compel black men to choose differently when it comes to dating?

Now you already know the BS is going to begin with an ending statement like that.

And he was kind enough to give us a neat summary in the form of a top ten.

Lets have some fun with it shall we?



Top Ten Reasons Why It's Hard to Date A Black Woman.

1. Black women make black men feel under appreciated, unwarranted and irresponsible and regressive.


Hhmm......maybe?

No, nope, don't see it that way, that's a generalization of women and men, to say all black women are like this and all black men believe them to be this way.

True, I have run across my share of women who really don't know how to talk to a man.

But I chalk that up to them not having a man in the house to watch and learn from their mothers how to speak to one.

Basically they got no game, besides if they are in a house with a woman as head of the house hold and as there role model than why would they think that men are doing something special when they take on the role of leader?

But regardless when ever I got the diarrhea of the mouth from a woman, truth be told I deserved it, I was not doing something or was intentionally doing something wrong.

I had it coming to be simple.

But again we would have to believe that this thinking is the norm which i have to say I have not come across too many of that type.


2. Black women are too aggressive and no longer patient in waiting on the pursuit of a man.


I am assuming this is about marriage because women seeking out men as a boyfriend does not seem to be a problem in the world, (keeping them is another story).

If this is about marriage than this maybe a half truth, I have noticed that women definitely have clear cut ideas about were a relationship is supposed to end up in the end.

And I have noticed among my homeboys that they can do serious time with a woman and never mention the M word.

I see that as being a result of men being comfortable in the relationship and women not being secure in it.

Remember why buy the cow if the milk is free?


3. Black women are strong headed, too independent which presents great challenges in relationships.


I'll agree with this only because this is about dating, and if a man is not going to be putting a ring on her finger than she should not be compromising on anything, and she better be looking out for #1.


4. Black women are masculine in that they are controlling and like to run the relationship.


Now this is BS, I have yet to come across a woman that would try to do this if a man doesn't let them, hell seems to me that they are extra quick to throw the lead to men if the brotha looks like he knows what he is doing, it's a trust issue there.

Despite all the hype women have some very old fashion views about who takes lead in a relationship when it comes down to it, it's just not going to be let go for any old dude.


5. Black women expect too much. They are gold diggers who will not look twice at a blue collar black man.


Truth is I have no idea how truthful this is, my take is that most women look to date/marry up if not equal to, so the idea that black woman wants money is a tired argument.

ALL WOMEN ARE GOLD DIGGERS.

To one degree or another.

That is the rules, you want some one who can provide for you, why this is suddenly treated as a new concept is beyond me.

Now you can argue that women are making more money and thus the old rules should no longer apply, but that is a different argument for another post.


6. Black women are hot headed and have bad attitudes.


Nope, blatant lie.

Now trust me there are some bitter @!#$@!#$ out there, but the key word is bitter, when some one has a chip on their shoulder it's cause some one put it there.

But again that is not the norm, it's been my experience that women can be so hell bent on keeping a dude that they become diabetically sweet.

Attitude comes into play when things are not working in the relationship.


7. Black women stop caring about their appearance after a certain age.


Shhiiiiiiiiitttttt.

Says who?

We all have seen a hot momma or grand momma walking around, there all sorts of cougars running around out here.


8. Black women are not as sexually open as other races, especially in regards to oral sex.


Say what?!?!

The days of black women being prudes are over, looooong over.

I shouldn't of even answered this one.


9. Black women's tolerance is far too low; they are no longer empathetic to the black man's struggle in white America.


Nope, like it or not bitter boys and bitter girls for all your griping we are attached to the hip.

What effect you effect me.

What I am seeing is that women want recognition of their very real struggles and want very real solutions to be right up their with men's, as opposed to being put in the back of the line and ignored till it's time to give it up.

And that's a fair request to say the least.

True you got some out there who have no idea how to work it, but in given time they'll get it right.


10. Black women do not cater to their men.

This one is a bit vague for me, are we talking about her not fixing a man a plate when it's time to eat?

Washing clothes?

I'm going to leave this one open..

(For the record you better believe I expect my plate to be fixed for me if your calling me your boyfriend!)

So what do you think?

What Makes men fall In Love

From Yahoo, What Makes Men Fall in Love

Lets take a look at what the experts say.

The Desire: To Protect

Believe it or not, the so-called stoic sex is hardwired to nurture. Sheltering you from harm makes him feel studly, which makes him feel good.
Performing concrete tasks is a way of bonding that enhances his sense of success.

OK now you see that I covered that right here: A note on the Independent Woman. (Part 1) here: A note on the Independent Woman. (Part 2) and here: A note on the Independent Woman. (Part 3 The Conclusion)



The Desire: Freedom

Even emotionally healthy single men want assurance that their identities will stay put after they've become half a happy couple. "By making it clear that you don't expect your guy to change, he'll feel like you truly understand him but don't threaten his sense of self," says Dan Neuharth, PhD, author of "Secrets You Keep from Yourself." "That leaves him feeling on sturdy enough ground to commit." The following dating moves let him know you're no ball and chain.
Blow him off. Single men hate the idea of being tied down socially, so turn down occasional plans. He'll not only feel easier -- and open up more -- around you, but he'll also start to wonder what you're doing and pursue you more.


Agreed, the quickest way a woman can kill a potential boyfriend/husband is by trying to rush things, and if you mention marriage before he does you already killed the relationship. No one likes to feel like they are on the clock.

I like the hunt, even when I say I am not, I do, overly needy women are a turn off.

Respect his privacy. A physical space that's totally his is a huge symbol of independence to a man. Signal that you respect that by, say, staying out of desk drawers and not peeking at his caller ID when his phone rings.

Damn right, a snooping women in the beginning of a relationship is a sure sign that your going to have a head ache with trust issues.

I know these two idiot couples who live to check each other phones, question every text and call and than have the nerve to complain about the other one doing it to them.

The one bastard even checked one our mutual homeboys phone to see if his girl was texting him, and I believe the swine was trying to get to my phone to do the same.

Lost all respect for those two.

The Desire: To Shine

Maybe he's cocky, but he's still insecure. Trust us, guys need to know that they're respected and appreciated. "When being around you increases a guy's esteem, both internally and in the eyes of others, he'll naturally want to be attached to you," says Dr. Dobransky. Here, things that show your high value and nudge him toward love.


Careful with this one, too much ego stroking will have him lose respect for you, and not enough and he is out the door.


The Desire: Comfort

"Falling in love is a process of developing attachment, which happens when oxytocin floods the brain," says Alan Hirsch, MD, neurological director of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation. You can unleash those love hormones by making him feel like you two just "fit." When he's so comfortable with you that he stops thinking about your relationship and simply enjoys it, he'll find himself nudged into love territory. Take these dating tips:
Let him see you primp. Grooming in front of him enhances intimacy because it's something other guys don't get to witness. Just keep it goddess like (applying lipstick or powder), not gross (bleaching your moustache).
Cook together. Being around food spikes oxytocin levels in males. The more often you prep dinner a deux, the more he'll associate you with the good feelings he gets from eating it.
Stock your pad. When buying groceries you don't have a preference on, get a brand he uses. He'll subconsciously feel at home at your place. Catnap near him or let yourself doze off in his arms so he sees you in your most trusting, completely relaxed state.

Um no, I have yet to catch feelings for a woman who has put make up on in front of me, that's when i start noticing flaws, like why you wear so much make up?

Now all these things I think will help keep my attention but I would be hard pressed to say that it would make me fall in love with some one.

There is more to it than that.

Quote for the Day

Romance should never begin with sentiment. It should begin with science and end with a settlement.
Oscar Wilde

True Story 4: The Great Saboteur.

When it comes to relationships I am the Great Saboteur.

I know how to screw it up royaly.

Over the weekend a homeboy of mine pointed this out to me by way of women associates.

He noticed that the women that I called good friends were what you would call marriage material.

Educated, intelligent, kind hearted, universally attractive, centered and ordereed in their lives.

These are the that I kick it with, hang out, absolutely no fooling with.

He than pointed out that the women I chased around, were ussually unmotivated, zero ambition, scandalous, chaotic, out right trouble.

To be honest I already knew this but I did not realize that their was a pattern.

Every women I take seriously is a walking disaster.

My friend says I am suffering from a hero complex, (more popularly known as Captain Save a Ho), that I am trying to be a hero to these women so I only seek out the ones in need, knowing damn well you cant help those who will not help themselves.

He maybe right but I hate to think I am that naive, what I think is that I am choosing these women because they are easy to walk away from.

You see with a woman who has her act together you have to put in 100% effort, no half stepping.
I know I am not willing to do that because that means a very serious relationship that I want no part of.

I do not consider my self twisted for it just not ready for it.

Am I?

Arranged Marriage.

I have a homeboy of mine from Gambia, Africa we were talking about a situation of his that he had decided to go ahead and commit to.

See his parents had picked out a wife for him, when he was 7, from this other family that had just had a new born daughter.

The young lady is now 19 and it is now time to get hitched.

His folks have been calling him from Africa nonstop expecting a date of his arrival back home for the marriage.

My man is sweating bullets and I be lying if I did not say that I was getting a good laugh out of this.

The young lady, who by the looks of her picture is a stone cold fox, is getting her education right now but is eagerly waiting for her husband to be to come home and make an honest woman out of her.

She and my man will call him Slim; have been keeping up with each other on the phone so they are not complete strangers.

But none the less with the exception of the pictures they have never seen each other.

Now Slim just got out of a marriage to an American woman who he neglected to tell his parents about, the relationship was a bad one so was hesitant about to get married again, African or no African.

His mother has different ideas about the matter, since he did not bother to say no to the plans all through his years growing up it is too late to say no now.

So he is going to bite the bullet and get hitched “in the near future”.

I got to admit Slim’s culture has got me thinking, his father, has 5 wives and over 19 kids with them, Slim being one of the younger ones, he says he does not know if he will take on another wife since you have to be pretty well off to afford more than one, (amen), and that’s why he is in America to make his fortune.

Could I go along with an arrange marriage? The practice is not uncommon in Haiti were my folks are from and I know my grandmother would be the one brokering the deal, so I would feel safe, but could I do it?

The rumor is that those couples who are in arranged marriages stay married and happily at that.

Now this is opposite to our pick em and leave em ways that we have over here.

So who ever she was, I would be stuck for life.

The thing is in most cases you are not really strangers you would know about each other and be introduced to each other under supervision, hell you may even be attending the same school.

Besides considering how couples over here know each other for years and still get divorced how much stock can you put into knowing some one?

I mean there are little thing that need to be worked out like virginity, education who is living where and so on and so forth, but the parents doing the arranging would be dealing with that.

Truth is I do not know what I would do but I have a sneaky suspicion that I would go along with it.

What I am positive about is that they would be only one, I see no purpose to bringing the gravedigger and the coffin maker along to your own execution.

You Beautiful Bastard!!

What the deuces you bastard who ever you are!

I do not know if I should thank you for putting her back on the market, or curse you for breaking her heart.

How do you dump Serena?

That's some nuts right there!

You do not dump Serena Serena dumps you!

We all know that, who the hell are you to buck the system ya Mofo!!!

Black, white, Asian what ever you got a whole lot of N^%#$ in you partner!

Not me she would have to dump me and put a restraining order on my ass, at least 100 miles.

I would be so close to her you would think I was a new kind of thong,"The Happy Go Lucky Bachelor thongs they will be all up in you".

I would stink of Serena.

You know I would keep a police record messing with her.

Right in the middle of her set the announcer would be like "hold it we have a disturbance in the crowd.....apparently Serena's boyfriend has had enough of the spectators watching his girlfriend play tennis. He is swinging on every one...Good God did you see what he did to that little old lady!!!".

I'll Deal with you later Mr. I do not want to call anybody back.

Serena baby you know my email hit me up.

Cheesed-off tennis star Serena reveals broken heart

AFP
January 10, 2008
SYDNEY (AFP) - Australian Open champion Serena Williams has revealed that she will defend her title this month nursing a broken heart -- and that she has found solace in a book called "Who Moved My Cheese?"

Williams bares her feelings in her blog on the official website http://www.serenawilliams.com, unloading her angst at putting her faith in a boyfriend then being dumped.

"Trust is something you vowed you would never do again, but slowly your heart comes out of its steel enclosure," she wrote in the entry posted on her website Monday.


http://sports.yahoo.com/ten/news?slug=afp-tennisausopenserenaoffbeat&prov=afp&type=lgns