Wednesday, July 23, 2008

A note on the Independent Woman. (Part 1)

While surfing through my fellow bloggers posts I came across Eb's 5 Songs in heavy rotation post.

And this little quote, "Then Ne-Yo releases this beautiful track Miss Independent, and made me realize that being an Independent black woman is NOT a bad thing and that men need to man up and not be intimidated by us."

You know this a very popular view held by a lot of women regarding how men are "intimidated" by a strong woman.

I wouldn't call it intimidation as much as men recognizing that a basic need by women are not being met by some, (that's some), of these women, a need that gets put off as unimportant and or written off as the sign of an insecure man.

That need being "need".

As a fellow that has playing the field for awhile I came across quite a few independent women with mix results.

Some of them was cool, we were just in different stages in our lives that made it impossible to keep a healthy relationship.

Others were completely out of whack.

My conclusion for those, was that I didn't see any purpose for being in the relationship that made sense to me, because my needs were not being met.

I felt I had no purpose in the relationship other than to be called "boyfriend".

They have it all and don't mind telling you, so if that's the case than in my mind the relationship is nothing but a hyped up sex thing an if that's the case, it last only as long as it takes for another woman to come into the picture.

Let us be honest it is in the nature of most men to be the alpha male in their relationship with women to some degree or other.

For some it maybe the old school way of paying for everything and making all the decisions.

For others it's that small feeling of being able to provide for the other in some way, as in paying the bill for something regardless of how small or big.

Others like to be Mr. Fix it, as in fix the car and what ever else is broken in the house or in the woman's personal life in general.

And still other like to be catered to, to a certain degree that ranges from ridiculous to modest.

For me I have no idea, but I know when it's not being met.

Regardless, the need to be needed is built into us, and when a woman doesn't know how to fulfill that need than why would you expect a man to stick around?

There is a reason known gold diggers always have a man, its not because men don't know what she is up to, it's because she is stroking the hell out of his ego by taking care of his needs.

If a man is not fulfilling a woman's need I don't expect her to be happy about it, but to do something about it.

The rise of the independent woman is fairly new in this country, especially with black women, there existence has thrown a monkey wrench in gender roles with one side trying to hold onto the traditional role that is not practical let alone fair in this day in age and the other trying to redefine it but not really understanding what their own role in it is.

The end result is that relationships can turn into power struggles when both sides try to "pull rank" on the other.

Communication goes out the window with both sides pointing fingers at the other.

I remember a woman I was dating a certain woman for a while, who was very in to me until I let her talk me into moving in with her, the relationship went 180, with we an us turning into me and she.

I knew it was over when she went out with her friend, got drunk and slept over at her house, the next day I asked her how come she did not call to let me know she was alright, and I got a speech about how she is a grown woman and this is her house she 'll do what she wants.

Say the f$%# what?

Did that just come out your mouth?

I was out that place in a week.

I take fault for that one because I gave up my independence to her and gave her power over me.

And she promptly abused it.

But that is a small example of what man does not want to hear, was I trying to control her?

Hell half the time I was pushing her out the door to go hang with her friends and giving her money to spend on drinks.

Mean while I am at home watching her kid.

I figure why not change my perspective about relationships a little and take a progressive role in this.

Kill that noise.

My experiment with gender roles went out the window after that.

Part 2 tomorrow.