Deal Breaker 11: Colorism

I was at a lounge spot talking it up with this pretty lady over some drinks.

We were seated near the window so we could see passerby as we talked, the conversation was OK she mostly talked about her job as a corporate of some company I already forgot.

Actually I think she said she was a manager at a prominent hospital here in Atlanta.

Ask me, from what she described, the title "secretary" came to mind.......


.......but hey what do I know.


I kind of tune out when women start talking about their job or listing off their resume as a conversation piece anyway, I'm not hiring you for a job lady.

Actually I guess you could say I am hiring you for a job.....just not one that requires a Masters degree;)





Well.....actually if you have a Masters degree in the type of job I'm hiring for that would be a good thing;)



Wait a sec.......if your that good then I'm start questioning how the hell did you get your credentials:(



My bad........I digress......

Anyway were sitting there chatting when a young dark skinned women walks by the window from the outside, and the lady I'm with, in an attempt I guess to be witty comments on how "black" she is.

But she says it in a way that you get the impression that she is only half joking.

My mood changed with the quickness, there are certain things a women can say or do that just kills it right then and there for me, ain't no going back from that point on.

Noticing color in any negative way is one of them, to me that's the sign of a simple mind.

It tells me you got some self image issues going on with you so you take the opportunity to feel good about your self by stepping on what you perceive to be a flaw in someone else.

I cant say why it annoys me the way it does but it irks me to know end.

Maybe because I see the stupidity in it, for instance this woman was only a shade lighter then the one who walked by.

It's like, are you serious?

A couple minutes in the sun and your as dark as she is.

It's like those light skin women who talk about dark skin women but get all quiet when a white woman walks into the room.

All of a sudden they want to let out the inner Black Panther.

Or like a friend of mine who prefers redbone women, he marries one whose mother cant stand his ass.

Why?

You guessed it, he is as black as the ace of spades.

Funny, no?

Then there are those who like to point to the part of their skin that's usually cover up by clothing like the upper arm and say that is what your real color is not the part that has been exposed to the sun.

Word?

Is that right doctor?

Maybe if you lived in a cave all of your life like some animal wallowing in your own muck and suck on blood then yes...




........yes I can see how that is supposed to be your true skin color.

But for us HUMAN beings that prefer to walk up right in the sun the tan part is are true color.

It's all silly but it rubs me the wrong way.

So anyway I point out to her that she is not that light and she then tells me some what offended that she is not black like that and responds to my sun comment with I walk outside with an umbrella when it's hot.

Really now?

You walk outside with an umbrella during the summer so you wont get dark?

Yeah, that was pretty much it right there, I kept the convo light and made my exit after my last drink not bothering to exchange numbers.

No need pretending about it.

Deal Breaker.

Deal Breaker 10: The Home Girls.

The Home Girl.....


I don't know why I didn't put this one up sooner.

You ever been with some one who followed behind her "girl or girls" so much that you swear they were gay?

I'm not talking about when your dating some one, I'm talking about when your in a relationship with some one.

I have only come across this one time, but GOD DAMN!!

That joint became the end of us right there.

I swear I wanted to piss in the coffee cup of her "girl" when ever she left it lying around and sit back and be like.....


"yeah.....that's right....drink all that up.....taste me b%@#$".


I was in a relationship with a woman and things were cool until she met Denise.

Denise was at the time 35, teeth looks like a junk yard, mouth smells like a sewer, dates a bunch of dudes, and is trying to be a singer but cant sing worth ish.

The girl I was dating at the time was 25 back than and truth be told was not really about nothing so I can see why she might have developed an admiration for a woman she thought was going some where.

I wasn't going to be the one to tell her friend was full of it and just using you, she was happy.

Big mistake.

Let me explain something I don't believe in having dominating some ones time because I don't want mine eaten up.

I got friends, I like to hang out, you have friends?

Than go chill to if that's what you want.

I ain't going to do anything stupid so I don't expect you to do anything stupid go out have a good time and will hook up after words.

I'm a trusting type of guy and will go with the flow, which is why I will flip on your ass if you do me dirty, because you didn't have too, you did it with bad intentions.

The EX almost found that out.

So here she is with her new buddy and she is hanging with her hard.

Nothing strange there till all of a sudden I start noticing things.

She is not showing up to meet me cause she is with Denise.

She is not returning my calls cause she was with Denise.

She wants to be in the entertainment business like Denise, (paying clubs to perform there does not mean your in the entertainment business it means your delusional ass think you have talent where there is none).

She is disappearing with Denise during holidays.

Denise tells her this.

Denise tells her that.

Which means I should do this, I should do that.

That right there is was the straw that broke the camels back , I told her one night that she needed to go fuck Denise and be happy cause I was out.

I'm not going to fight over you with your damn girl.

I'm not going to crazy over you because your girl is all in your ear giving you advice but mean while her dumb ass ain't got ish to show for in her life.

I don't play the blind leading the blind games.....



.....especially when I got the one good eye........


....guess what that makes me, that's right King.


In retrospect Denise probably did me a favor by exposing this but the lesson is learned none the less.

I don't want all the time but I damn sure want mine.

Deal Breaker: The Home Girl.

Deal Breaker 9: The Bottler.

You ever met some one who liked to hold stuff inside of them and let it fester and all of a sudden they blow up in your face with what ever they were carrying around inside of them?

At the craziest time?

For something that might not even have anything with why they are mad?

And your left there trying to figure out what the hell was that all about?

And than it dawns on you that this person has been walking around screwed face with you while playing silent and smiling in your face and hasn't been saying anything letting you think everything is cool?

Who do you think should shoulder that?

If you ask me, (and I know you didn't but too late here it comes), it's the bottler.

Here is the thing, I like to consider myself an approachable guy, a person can ask me anything at all, and I'll answer them.

Now the answer you get may not be what you like to hear, but rest assured it will be an honest answer from me for how I feel about it at the time.

That way there are no misunderstandings, no fake attitude going on, no behind the back mess.

No two faced nonsense going on.


Get it out in the open and deal with it like adults.

Cause contrary to popular belief I am not a mind reader or a detective.

And if it is that serious we can go are separate ways with out having to be jerks about it.



See that way I still have respect for you even if we cant agree.

I dated a woman who had issues with me not wanting to stay on the phone with her.

As soon as the convo got stale I would just say call you next time, nothing more, no big deal.

No running off to chase some other woman, didn't mean I didn't like you, just meant I didn't want to stay on the phone listening to air.

She got mad with me when I was trying to get off the phone with her one night and dumped me on the spot.

I was like what?!

Now if she had said something before I would have made an adjustment, got a damn blue tooth and just left the ear piece on.

Than there was the one who got upset with me cause I didn't speak a lot.

I could come be with her and not say two words to her all day and kiss her on the cheek goodbye when I left.

Didn't mean I was up set with her.

Didn't mean I was caught up in thought.

It meant that when I have something important to say I would say it, that's what the hell it meant!

But know not her I get a talking to about why I have an attitude in the middle of Fox Theater.

WTF?

What kind of passive-aggressive nonsense is that?

Again if it was that serious and she said something I would have said something, hell I would of read the news paper or read a woman's magazine and talked your God damn ear off if you wanted.

But I refuse to take blame for this, no.

No not for this mon cheri.....some other justifiable offense that I am sure I will do in the course of the relationship that will make you contemplate grinding up glass in my food or throwing hot grits one me but this my love?

No, no, no, no, not this.

You see I have a bad habit of thinking that grown people I talk to act their age.

That's what I think.

I figure well hell I am grown man, she is grown woman, so will act grown and open our mouths and speak when thought arrive there.

That's the impression I was under.

I believe this, I am old school, I would rather die alone in a cold grave than spend my life with a woman who is too childish to speak her mind and than blames me for not getting the "hints".

It's more about you and your thin skin than us as a team in the relationship.

I can not play with them.

I can not build with them.

I can not respect them.

Cant do it.

Deal Breaker.

Deal Breaker 8: Unconditional Love.

"Unconditional love is a term that means to love someone regardless of his actions or beliefs."

Don't even ask me about that.

Never again will I do that BS again.

You know what they say about it being better to love and loss than not to love at all?

I wish I caught the mutha who said that, I would still be beating his ass.

See what they don't tell you about unconditional love is that it is an unstable, irrational and volatile emotion that will explode into a fiery inferno usually caused by realization by one partner that the other partner has abused, mistreated, betrayed, bartered or rejected the love you have given to them.

And that realization turns into the most debilitating pain known to man, it cripples you, it leaves a poisonous bile that seeps from your shattered heart into your guts blocking any food from coming in and expelling anything from you guts out.


It creeps into your bones like a cancer and robs you of strength leaving you paralysed were you lay.

It creeps into your eyes and effects the retina's making you sensitive to light, seeking out the cool embrace of darkness.

It moves in waves into your brain like syphilis gone unchecked and slowly pushes you to madness.

It twists your soul into a an ugly bitter thing, like a child abused all it's life all it knows and can give is pain.

That is the other side of unconditional love they don't talk about.

But with that pain boys and girls comes a clarity of the mind, a moment of sobriety in a drunken sea of misery.

That's when the mind wraps it's self around a cool logic, a rational that steadies it's self.

Things start to make sense.

Every blues song ever made becomes your gospel.


You decipher things, like Mercutio's Queen Mab rant wasn't a fanciful rant or warning, but a broken man who has had his heart ripped by love and is bitter as hell about it.

(Move to the 2:00 mark for the Queen Mab. )




Things like murder makes sense......


.......and so does the motivation of a murder.


Unconditional love is insanity that leads into a criminal insanity, waiting patiently for it's next sucker to hop on board it's love express and lose his or hers natural fucking mind.



This is what unconditional love leads to if unchecked.


No grown man or woman should ever talk about loving some one unconditionally, hell God doesn't even love us unconditionally!

Think I am lying?!

Think about it.

It is clear as day light, you sin you lose and you burn.

Take you ass to church, temple, or the mosques all you want chump, if you ain't doing right the other days your going to the devils barbecue and your ass is on the menu.



Unconditional love is for little kids who don't know better, puppy love......



Hell no you can keep that friends, take that cup away from me, I want no part of that evil brew.

Instead I will take conditional love.

Conditional love comes with rules, it comes with the understanding that if you fuck me over I am out, the blog is full of my conditions so no need to rehash them.

Bottom line thats the only way it is going to work for me.

Deal Breaker.


Pssst.....dont forget to check out Diversity Ink.

Deal Breakers 7: Multiple Baby Daddies.

Now I had to give this some thought.

I initially thought about excluding single mothers period, I have dated enough to know that all single mothers have baggage, PERIOD.

How big the baggage is depends on the woman's life circumstance, but regardless it's there.

It could be the absentee father or that the father is too present in her life, the age of the kids that require different levels of attention, time away from the kid, stress from being with the kids.

Than factor in that I like kids which means getting to know the kid but if the relationship fails than the kids are gone.

But than I had to think about it, it's rare to find a woman my age with out kids and the ones my age that don't have kids have some BS going on anyway.

Besides, because I have dated baby mommas there is nothing I haven't seen, I am a veteran.

But there is a segment of this group I will eliminate and that's the multi baby daddy baby momma.

I am not talking about multiple kids, multiple daddies.

Now don't get me wrong I understand the complexities that life throws are way, one baby daddy I can understand people make mistakes, fall in and out of love.

Two is reasonable some times your slow with it, and women when it comes to love to try, try and try again.

But three and above?

Three and above and the kids are like back to back?



Like if they fought each other the littlest one can hold his or her own?


Like if you took a family portrait it would look like a United Colors of Benetton ad?


That is a bit much, to me that is a sign of very poor judgement, and absolutely no thoughts about the future, this woman is living in the now so tomorrow never comes.

Now this isn't a point the finger game in a two person dance.

Both of y'all at fault for putting bunnies in the oven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah...you slept with old slue foot...........


......who bounced on you as soon as it got hot, I guess you should of made him put a ring on it first.

But how did Tyrone and Will get all up in you raw after that?


I can't take a woman like that seriously.

Deal Breaker.

Deal Breakers 6: The Unlady Like Lady.

OK this one I decided to mix together since I didn't see the reason to give the subjects special attention cause it would come off redundant.

This also will be a bit harsh so the sensitive among you may want to step.

Now I like to think of my self as a progressive man, all for women expressing themselves, women's rights, never had a real problem working for most of them, I am enlightened.

But I am an old school dude, what is considered the rights of women I have no interest in a relationship setting.

I expect women I date to look an act like a lady, that's that.

Unlady like behavior is amusing as hell, great for relaxing and kicking it with.

But the moment you start talking about a serious relationship that mess goes out the window with me.

That said lets take a look at what will not be tolerated by me.

#1 The Tomboy.

How are you going to have a closet full of clothes and not one dress?

Why do you have more sneakers than dress shoes and sandals?

Why the hell are you using my Mach 3 razor to shave your coochie!!?!?!?

What do you mean you don't know how to cook?

Why the hell are WE getting thrown out of the club/bar/movie theater/wherever cause YOU got into a fight?!


I don't like women who remind me of men, cause if I wanted to date that than I would go gay and since I like Power-U I will not.

But damn if I put up with a woman who looks like me when dressed.

And no you can NOT ride with me with your motorcycle we ain't bosom buddies.

That's what the back seat of mine is for.



#2 Cantankerous women.

These are the ones that can turn anything into a show stopper.

It don't matter what it is you say the sky is blue they say it ain't, you say hello and they you know me?

Everything is a battle, a attention grabber, a struggle.

The quintessential drama queen.

It's a never ending battle of will not to lose your decency and kill this woman.

Case in point.......


WTF??

I don't even play with women like that, the moment voices start getting raised I step, cause I don't know what I am capable of if lose it with a one of them.




#3 The uncivilized woman.

This one is the one that looks at you funny when you open the door for and they don't even say so much as a thank you.

This is the one who refuses the seat you offer them on a crowded bus because they do not want to feel obligated to say thank you.

This is the one that doesn't speak when spoken to cause she is afraid I am going to hit on her, like I know the magic words that will make you strip butt naked on spot.

Lady if I knew those magic words I wouldn't be sitting here blogging I would be out there filling the streets with booty naked women.

This is the one that looks at you and automatically see enemy, the same look you get from a Klansman.

True you don't owe me shit, but I damn sure don't owe you shit either including my respect.

You want to act like a dude that's on you, I will follow your lead and treat you like one.

Now we went all the way right lets us go all the way left.

#4 The advertiser.

Lets talk about the ones who like to advertise the goods my favorites.

Now when I was younger this was known as club wear, something you put on for the club to have a good time and to get men's attention.

Not to the grocery store, run errands in, movie theaters, mother's house, church, library, etc.

Why?

So you wouldn't be mistaken for a hooker that's why.


And since you were not mistaken for one you didn't get treated like one.

I bring this up because of this little diddly I found on the comment section of Eb's blog,

"I wrote a post, "The Preacher Woman's Tips For Getting A White Man" because I wanted to point out that there is a preparation process involved in leaving the all-black setting for social settings that have VERY DIFFERENT dynamics.

There is clothing AND body language that is accepted in the all-black construct that will have a black woman labeled as "whorish" in an all-white construct. I find that the assumption is that ONLY bimbos are overtly sexual.

In the all-black construct, THAT assumption is not being made about women who are dressed in a highly sexual manner.

In the all-white social setting, there are stereotypes about black women being "loose" that are further reinforced by overly sexual clothing choices.

There are many different aspects of the social construct that CHANGE when leaving an all-black social setting."

REEEAAAALLLLYYYY??????????

So I as a black man.......no scratch that.......that what is not being said let me make it clear.

I as a hyper sexual immoral beast, am more willing to accept and love and respect a scandalously dressed woman and a white man isn't?

Because of course I am a dumb animal right out the jungle, banana in hand who who doesn't know better.

Now if that is the case why aren't all of us jungle bunnies not marrying all these scantily clad women?

I mean that's the real issue here isn't it, marriage right?

And why are there so many scantily clad white women running around?

How is it they can go from Girls Gone Wild, Playboy, Hustler and than become some one's bride?

While their black counter parts are left chasing their left overs?

You will look like a street walker for me but look like a lady for him?

Because of course he is a man and I am a savage beast.

And than get mad at me for not wanting to marry you?

With a straight face?

This is what I call selling snake oil.

If any of you were thinking that please leave my blog right now and never return and let me know who you are so I stop visiting yours.

And I will speak for all of us speak chuckers when I say, you like the commentator who wrote that little piece, are full of shit.

Psst.

Pssst.

Psssssst come here......here is a little secret about black men that seems to always fly over the head of women we don't love hoes, we fuck them, we marry the ladies.

No self respecting black man is going to want to keep something that he thinks every one else can have.

There is no VALUE to that.

We had enough of that bullshit on the plantation.

Don't get me wrong there are men who have low self esteem that will accept this from women and I most certainly have no problem looking at one and parlaying with her but I ain't stupid.

This will sound harsh but the fact is if you look like a ho you will be treated like a ho.

Deal Breaker.

BTW let me say that these women I described above are in the minority, they do not represent what a black woman is and you would be foolish to think they do.

I have enough common sense and experience in the REAL WORLD to know that.

That and the fact that I come across worthy woman everyday.

Deal Breaker 5: Low Self Esteem.

For those who have not gotten locked up, admitted to the hospital, alcohol poisoning, woken up to a stranger an are now on the way to get tested for a STI, and or have a hangover..........I am sorry your New Years was so damn boring.

For those who did do one or more of the above....at a boy and girl.

Moving on.

There is nothing more unattractive than a woman with low self esteem, nothing.

I don't care how fine she is.

You can pull any woman off my Stunna list here, to see the type of woman who I think are fine.

But take away those same women's poise, confidence, swagga?

Than they are the ugliest trolls to walk the earth.

Ive come across women like that all the time in my adventures in romance.

Women who think a man who beats on them is showing them love.



Women who look at super models and swear they themselves are too fat.


Women who look at video models and swear they themselves are too skinny.


Dark skin women who want to be light.


Light skin women who want to be dark.


My favorites are the ones who like to break down their blood line to you, I got Indian, Arab, white, Chinese, or what ever in them.


Like I can tell or care.

Now don't get me wrong in a country were beauty is obsessed over, and the media plays mind tricks on what that beauty looks like women have it tough.

You would have to raise a little girl in a cave away from TV, magazines, Internet and boys to get her mind completely right.

But that's little girls, I shouldn't have to put up with a grown woman depressed because her insecurities kick in the moment she doesn't get enough attention.

Tell her she is beautiful she thinks your teasing her.

Another woman walks in the room and she think you want to sleep with her.

Blames every one but her self for the way she feels.

How you see your self is what other people will pick up on and give right back to you.

You got to love your self before some can love you.


Deal Breaker.

Deal Breakers 4: Messed Up Feet.

Now I am not a shallow fellow at all, and I am not one to judge a woman on physical appearance.

As I stated in a past post, I am more likely to pay attention to what is sexy about the woman as opposed to what people consider beautiful.

So I don't notice flaws like having slight gap in your teeth, scars from cat fights (I think that is sexy as hell BTW), lisps or whatever.

But I will notice this right here.....


Oh yeah I ain't gonna ignore that my good lady.

If you can climb a tree bare foot with out using your hands than there is a problem.

If you can put fires out by stomping on them with your bare feet that there is a problem.

Now what I am talking about here is neglect, not flaws that cant be helped.

Like I knew a woman who had half a left foot as the result of a lawn mowing accident as a kid.

The didn't have enough flesh to close the wound so the took part of her Mons pubis......

....and closed up the wound.

Crazy thing is that she would grow hair in that are, pubic hair, and she had wavy hair so it would be like these long strands.

I remember one time I hit on her and she told me she was on her period to which I replied "can I play with your foot than?" ;)

I wonder if you sucked on that foot would it be considered oral sex?


Yet once again I digress.

But that right there she cant help, it was was not up to her and besides she kept it Brazilian style when she could.

Also like those women that have the longer second toe.....


What the hell is up with that?

It's like are not all the way humane or something?

The point is accidents and genetic flaws get a pass with me, I am not the best genetic example of mankind either.

But this ish here.....


Where you are basically not taking care of your self is unacceptable, as the great Kool Moe Dee would say "Go See The Doctor".
That joint right there is trifling.

Hell it ain't that hard to groom your self why your feet look like you have been walking bare foot through a cow farm?


That don't make no type of sense.

Hell I once gave a woman a pedicure because I didn't like the way her feet was looking.

True I just used that as an excuse to seduce her but none the less the condition of her feet were appalling.

Say no to jacked up feet!

Deal Breaker.

Deal Breaker 3: Nasty House.

Now growing up if you didn't have sisters you would be under the mistaken impression that girls were "sugar and spice", as I was growing up.

Hell my mind was completely blown the first time a woman farted in front of me.

It was just me and her but I thought I did it, that's how twisted I was.

So when I started dealing with women everything in my world got turned upside down, and I have accepted some things.

Some things, except a nasty house.



Now I am not talking about clutter or sloppy.

I am talking about dirty, nasty, filthy, smelly.

That's what I am talking about.




That I can not tolerate.

I understand coming in the house and throwing your close on the couch.

I understand a couple of dishes in the sink.

But I don't understand me going to your bathroom and seeing used tampons bloody side up in the trash.

I don't understand food left out uncovered.

I don't understand unflushed toilets.

And whats crazy is that when you see some of these women they will be fresh to death.

Nope that is a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker 2: Hair

I don't care how you wear it, really I don't, I am all about diversity in style.

The Afro, (I prefer them bigger).


Short perm, (one of my favorites especially if it's clean or rough in the back).


Weave, (definitely not a favorite, I accidentally pulled a girls track out during sex).



Dreaded up, (another favorite).


Even bald, (dying to get my hands on a woman sporting this, the things I would do to that head...).



Freestyle, (ehh).


Wigs, (very good for role playing and different looks).


Hell go crazy with it( another favorite of mine).



I like it all.

Except some mess like this.


I don't care what you do with it but do something, I don't like unkempt hair on women any where above the waist.

I will not tolerate un combed, untreated, unimaginable crowns, not going to happen with me.

That is a sure sign that you don't care what you look like and if you don't care about that well than it doesn't stop there.

You need help?

I help you, I have paid for women's hair to get done many times, of course if i am paying I am picking the style that's the rule.

But regardless get it done.

And one more thing let me catch you out the house with this.


I don't care how cute you are I am going to clown your ass.

This Is A Deal Breaker.