A Question Of Etiquette.....

Remember the kid's graduation I went toin the last post?

I brought her one a Mario Kart game for her Nintendo DS last Friday and left it at a friends house who she and her mother vists frequently.

The little girl calls me up a couple of times that day and the next asking if I was going to bring it over.

I tell her if I have time I'll try but I have been scrambling all week, besides her mom has a car so I kinda expected her to get it for her.

Well she gets the game and calls me later to say thanks, but it was the kind of thanks that seemed forced, like she was ticked that she had to wait.

Now Im think am I dealing with a spoiled little brat or was I wrong for not dropping it off?

Are you olbigated to deliver presents?

Just a thought.

Beating Up Women.

I haven't said anything on my blog about the Chris Rhianna fiasco cause I figure it was pretty much an open and shut thing.

If he beat her butt he goes to jail.

If she put her hands on him than he should get a pass,( I don't believe in taking butt whippings for free, keep your hands to your self people and there wont be any problems).

Besides every one else has taken up the issue and are more familiar and knowledgeable about the topic than I am.

I have never put my hands on a woman.

As much smack talking I do I just cant see my self getting in a situation were that would happen in my right mind and I got the type of slick mouth that would make a woman want to put hands on me you can ask some bloggers about that.

Not that I don't think I am capable of putting my hands on a woman, there was the time I broke up with an ex and she took up with some one while we were still talking things out.

I saw her in bed with the dude and I went nuts, I tried to get at them through the door but it wouldn't give.

I don't know what I would have done if I got in, but I thank God I didn't find out, no need to test the Lords affinity for children and fools I say.

But that is the only time I ever wanted to hurt a woman.

Hell the moment a woman starts getting loud I am looking for the front door, that's one of my flaws.

I have left a lot of women over minor disagreements just so I wont have to do the arguing that is sometimes required to get through somethings.

That way I wont be reminded about my mother and father and how they argued and how they fought.

I am not sure what effect it had on me other the usual broken home story but they say people who grew up around violence reach for it as an solution to problems.

So I do what a lot of men do when the topic pops up, condemn it quickly and get the hell out of dodge.

That way I don't have to give it much thought other than to crack a joke when opportunity arises.

And the Chris and Rhianna incident is no different, file it away under that's messed up........ oh well back to business.

But for a dude that doesn't beat on women the issue seems to pop up quite a bit in my life.

I can recall at least one incident of domestic violence I have seen or know about every years since I came to Georgia ten years ago at least.

The latest one to pop up one me is courtesy of my Ex.

I talked briefly about her experience here.

A year ago "Frosty", her ex after me, beat her over the head with a night stand in front of her child, she escaped by jumping over a balcony rail to a neighbors house and called the police.

I have no doubt in my mind the way she described it that night if she didn't get away he would have killed her.

He winds up getting arrested after awhile and serves time on an unrelated warrant violation.

Now her case is coming up and she is nervous about being in the same room with him despite it being in the court house.

She called me Thursday to ask me to go with her when they call her to testify next month.

I was going to make an excuse or wait awhile to say no but she met up with me Friday to show me something she had of his.

She had gone through his things when he was on the run and found a journal from a previous ex of his and wanted me to read it.

Sobering is what I can best call it.

This other woman had kept a journal of the beating he had given her, the very first page she said that she wrote the journal to leave behind evidence in case anything happened to her.

In case he killed her.

What I read was very uncomfortable, she described in detail how this dude would lose his temper over the slightest thing and she was made to pay for it.

He locked him self out the house when she wasn't there and beat her by holding her down and punching her in the leg.

There was the time she accidentally broker his gold chain and he punched her repeatedly in the chest.

The night her brother called her and he flew into a jealous rage and beat her unconscious.

Than there was the time she accused him of trying to sleep with her sister and he beat her with a belt.

The last page was how he actually beat her sister so badly for trying to defend her, he tore a portion of the sisters upper lip off.

That was the end.

Through out the journal she kept wishing she was dead, even documenting a time she took 15 pills of some 500mg medicine but failed at the suicide attempt.

She got beat for that too.

You could teach domestic violence class off what she wrote.

All the signs were there, isolation, depression, unbalanced temper everything they tell you as warning signs of a perpetrator and victim were there, including including blaming her self.

I don't know how this dude got his hands on her journal or if she is alright, or if the cops investigated at all after my ex showed it to them.

But I felt ill at ease after reading it.

So I told my Ex I would go with her when the time comes partly to support her and partly to get a look at this dude.

Not that it matters, I know men and have called some friends who have done things to women.

They don't have horns growing out of their heads, no tails, some of them were really cool.

But I guess that's what is most disturbing about it, you cant tell by looking at them.

And now the Chris Brown incident takes a twist in my head.

When I first heard about it the first thing that popped in my head is, what did she do?

What did she do to set him off.

I know I wasn't the only one thinking it, hell people were out right saying it, we wrote are own scenarios of what happened, she hit him first when he got a call from another woman, he find out he got herpes from her, she spit in his face, on and on.

Grasping onto something that would rationalize what happened and both unintentionally or intentionally providing a way out for him and the issue of violence against women.

Every one including me had something to say or are scared to say something about it.

Even now I am unsure how to feel about it, or what should be done about it, this is a matter for cooler heads than mine in my opinion.

But what I do know is that the issue of domestic violence has taken a back seat to sensationalism and celebrity watch with those two.

The teaching moment is quickly being lost, and yes there is a teaching moment here for little girls and boys and men as well.

A lot of times when men become the topic of discussion for wrong doing by women the one step on the path of solving the problem is rarely taken.

And that's talking to men about it.

Men are the ones doing it and men should be addressed about it.

But the reaction seems to be to huddle up among women, curse the men out, swear not to have anything to do with them and shoot dirty looks at men when they walk by.

Men mean while shake our heads and pretend were are born with out eyes, ears, or mouths.


Ain't me and ain't nobody I know so not my problem, that's usually the thinking.

I am no scientist but I am pretty sure that wont solve anything.

Think about it, do you think a man on the street who has been surrounded and experienced violence in his life and has accepted it as a problem solving solution cares were a woman is from, who she is with, what degree she has, what her preferences are, if he gets it in his mind that she is asking for it?

If a man plays nice with a woman, showing no signs of violence, until she has committed emotionally and mentally to him you think she is going to be able to walk out just like that?

My Ex saw signs with Frosty and she stayed with him till he almost killed her.

The woman in the journal documented day after day of abuse and I didn't read one thing about her trying to leave.

No, this is a matter for men to speak on openly and honestly in order to get answers and solutions, but you can just feel how things are going are going that the opening for that is quietly being closed again till the next time it makes the front page news about two people we all think we know and don't know us.


Other posts with similar topics I have done.

Street Harassment

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Violence against women: Mildred Beaubrun

Do Not Drink The Kool Aid 4 : Rape and Politics.

PFC Lavena Johnson

Chivalry Laws

Man fined for "un chivalrous" pic

BBC
A man who took a photograph of an ill woman outside an Edinburgh bar has been fined £100 after being branded "unchivalrous" by a sheriff.
The woman had been drinking with friends in an Omni Centre bar when she felt unwell and went outside for air.
Sebastian Przygodzki took a photograph with his camera, which upset Rebecca Smith and her friends called police.
He was arrested and charged with breach of the peace, and pleaded guilty to the offence at Edinburgh Sheriff Court.
Przygodzki, 28, who moved to Scotland two years ago from Krakow, told police he had spent the day taking photographs of performers at the Edinburgh festival, which was in full swing at the time.

Well I didn't even know there were laws about chivalry, the police wouldn't have enough time in the world to lock up all the men in this country.



Remember this post on Chivalry everyone at that party would have caught a ticket.




Not sure how I feel about interpretation of laws like that.



That's just petty, like the sagging pants law, I am sure there is a crime being committed some where that could have used the polices attention.

Do Black Men Wear Capes, Is Chivalry dead? 1

(This is a new series were I take a look at the relationship of men and women.)

While making my rounds I found my self in one of the more free spirited islands of the blogosphere.

I came across this message on site from the owner named Kaylani Cream.



At the pool party I attended Sunday, I was minding my business,
sitting on this brothas lap (Chris) and some guy walked up (looking
like Isaac Hayes, lol) and insults me for no apparent reason.

"She cute but she has a hairy pussy."

Hmm . . . first of all, I have no hair on my pussy, lol.

Second, I'm wearing a swimsuit, how would you
know.

And third, if it were true, why walk over here to bother us?

Being easy going as I am, I just laughed and he walked away.

The guy comes back a few minutes later and says, "There's a room over there
where the hot water heater is.

Take her in there." Now, we're talking business, not about sex or anything so . . . why he's bugging us, I don't know. And he did know Chris by name.

I just joked, "There's a hot water heater in there, it will make my pussy-fro puff out through my swim suit and I just pressed the hair this morning" LOL.

So, about 15 minutes later I'm standing next to 6 guys, we're talking
about generic stuff.

Weather, weekend, whatever.

He walks up, repeats his insult to them, "She's cute but she has a hairy pussy.

And I don't fuck with Black women."

Mind you, this party is 100% Black men and 99% Black women.

I replied, "Perhaps you think sistas ain't bringing much to the table but if you talk to some of us here, several of us have masters degrees."

"I don't give a fuck what you have, I don't fuck with Black women, I only date _________ girls."

"Okay, but though you don't date us, why do you find it necessary to keep
following me around and insulting me?"

At this point all the guys had walked away.

I told him he was ignorant and suffering from self hatred and he finally walked away.

My question is this - Why didn't any of the 7 male witnesses speak up
and say something to the brotha about being rude?

Fear it would turn into a fight?

Didn't care?

Did they feel like I seemed to have it under control so why interject?

What do you guys think?

3 of those 7 guys had asked for my phone number.

But I feel like - I don't want to go to dinner with someone who couldn't speak up for me.

If we're out to dinner and some guy is harassing me, are you just
gonna sit there again?

Shot themselves in the foot - unless someone can help me get a different perspective
on why a guy might choose not to speak up for a woman being insulted for no reason . . .


Now before we begin lets give you a little back ground Ms. Kaylani Cream.

If you haven't figured it out, Kaylani is a porn star, one who is currently doing her thing while working on her degree at some university out west.

At given her background I am assuming that the party she was at was a sort of industry party.

Now here is my take.

As a kid I had enough of my share of playing in the streets, and while out there, you got taught the law by word or fist, and there was a lot of codes you had to follow for everything, including women.

One of those laws got some real play starting in the 80's, a law was laid down by black men that it was your homeboy over girls, money over bitches, bro's before ho's.

A distrust for women was being taught to us at an early age, if she wasn't your mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, wife or girlfriend, than she wasn't ish to you.

And when you say girlfriend you better be sure.

You didn't fight over girls.

You don't spend money on girls.

You don't spend time with girls.

You didn't talk to girls unless you were trying to screw them.

It was a hardcore version of boys vs girls.

No one knew why for sure, but it was undoubtedly started by some man who felt he was done wrong by some woman and refused to let it go.

When you got older you were supposed to shake it off, grow a brain.

Realize that no two people are a like, let alone an entire race, sex, whatever.

But unwritten laws for boys with out real father figures are hard to break, because only "men" can break them, only thing a women can do is scream at them.

So you grow up, if your not careful, looking at women as a thing, something you pass on, pass off, discard.

No woman was worth defending unless she was your woman, cause if she was yours than if some one disrespected her then they were disrespecting you.

Now this code was made for the neighborhood skank.

The girl who slept around, despite the fact that boys do it, is looked down upon.

Once respect from men was lost it was a rap for a girl she was the punch line to every joke.

It was a way to control women and girls.

The smart women if they slept around damn sure didn't do it with anybody in the neighborhood, she hooked up with some one who didn't live near her and she damn sure wasn't going to invite the dudes to come around.

Now every culture and region has there own rules with how you act with loose women, around my way that's the way you did it.

Is that right, hell no, but this is a man's world baby, and those were the rules.

Now this just wasn't the law for the loose women, it was law for the cheating women, the thieving woman, the backstabbing women all bad women in general.

And since you don't know who these women were than you treated all strange women that way.

It took me a long time to shake off a lot of those codes, so that I could look like I had a heart.

Now lets go back to Kaylani here is a woman who works in the adult entertainment industry partying with men who know this, being treated rudely by another man, wondering why no one came to her defense.

Well I just told you why, now is that right?

No it is wrong, some one should of snatched old boy and told him to cool it.

Cause the side effect of those codes is that when you let a knuckle head loose, sooner or later he is going to breed other knuckle heads and sooner or later they are going to disrespect a woman you do care about.

That's why some one should have put on a cape and saved this woman from being disrespected.

Quote for the Day

"Some say that the age of chivalry is past, that the spirit of romance is dead. The age of chivalry is never past, so long as there is a wrong left unredressed on earth. "

Charles Kingsley