(This is a new series were I take a look at the relationship of men and women.)
While making my rounds I found my self in one of the more free spirited islands of the blogosphere.
I came across this message on site from the owner named Kaylani Cream.
At the pool party I attended Sunday, I was minding my business,
sitting on this brothas lap (Chris) and some guy walked up (looking
like Isaac Hayes, lol) and insults me for no apparent reason.
"She cute but she has a hairy pussy."
Hmm . . . first of all, I have no hair on my pussy, lol.
Second, I'm wearing a swimsuit, how would you
know.
And third, if it were true, why walk over here to bother us?
Being easy going as I am, I just laughed and he walked away.
The guy comes back a few minutes later and says, "There's a room over there
where the hot water heater is.
Take her in there." Now, we're talking business, not about sex or anything so . . . why he's bugging us, I don't know. And he did know Chris by name.
I just joked, "There's a hot water heater in there, it will make my pussy-fro puff out through my swim suit and I just pressed the hair this morning" LOL.
So, about 15 minutes later I'm standing next to 6 guys, we're talking
about generic stuff.
Weather, weekend, whatever.
He walks up, repeats his insult to them, "She's cute but she has a hairy pussy.
And I don't fuck with Black women."
Mind you, this party is 100% Black men and 99% Black women.
I replied, "Perhaps you think sistas ain't bringing much to the table but if you talk to some of us here, several of us have masters degrees."
"I don't give a fuck what you have, I don't fuck with Black women, I only date _________ girls."
"Okay, but though you don't date us, why do you find it necessary to keep
following me around and insulting me?"
At this point all the guys had walked away.
I told him he was ignorant and suffering from self hatred and he finally walked away.
My question is this - Why didn't any of the 7 male witnesses speak up
and say something to the brotha about being rude?
Fear it would turn into a fight?
Didn't care?
Did they feel like I seemed to have it under control so why interject?
What do you guys think?
3 of those 7 guys had asked for my phone number.
But I feel like - I don't want to go to dinner with someone who couldn't speak up for me.
If we're out to dinner and some guy is harassing me, are you just
gonna sit there again?
Shot themselves in the foot - unless someone can help me get a different perspective
on why a guy might choose not to speak up for a woman being insulted for no reason . . .
Now before we begin lets give you a little back ground Ms. Kaylani Cream.
If you haven't figured it out, Kaylani is a porn star, one who is currently doing her thing while working on her degree at some university out west.
At given her background I am assuming that the party she was at was a sort of industry party.
Now here is my take.
As a kid I had enough of my share of playing in the streets, and while out there, you got taught the law by word or fist, and there was a lot of codes you had to follow for everything, including women.
One of those laws got some real play starting in the 80's, a law was laid down by black men that it was your homeboy over girls, money over bitches, bro's before ho's.
A distrust for women was being taught to us at an early age, if she wasn't your mother, grandmother, sister, aunt, cousin, wife or girlfriend, than she wasn't ish to you.
And when you say girlfriend you better be sure.
You didn't fight over girls.
You don't spend money on girls.
You don't spend time with girls.
You didn't talk to girls unless you were trying to screw them.
It was a hardcore version of boys vs girls.
No one knew why for sure, but it was undoubtedly started by some man who felt he was done wrong by some woman and refused to let it go.
When you got older you were supposed to shake it off, grow a brain.
Realize that no two people are a like, let alone an entire race, sex, whatever.
But unwritten laws for boys with out real father figures are hard to break, because only "men" can break them, only thing a women can do is scream at them.
So you grow up, if your not careful, looking at women as a thing, something you pass on, pass off, discard.
No woman was worth defending unless she was your woman, cause if she was yours than if some one disrespected her then they were disrespecting you.
Now this code was made for the neighborhood skank.
The girl who slept around, despite the fact that boys do it, is looked down upon.
Once respect from men was lost it was a rap for a girl she was the punch line to every joke.
It was a way to control women and girls.
The smart women if they slept around damn sure didn't do it with anybody in the neighborhood, she hooked up with some one who didn't live near her and she damn sure wasn't going to invite the dudes to come around.
Now every culture and region has there own rules with how you act with loose women, around my way that's the way you did it.
Is that right, hell no, but this is a man's world baby, and those were the rules.
Now this just wasn't the law for the loose women, it was law for the cheating women, the thieving woman, the backstabbing women all bad women in general.
And since you don't know who these women were than you treated all strange women that way.
It took me a long time to shake off a lot of those codes, so that I could look like I had a heart.
Now lets go back to Kaylani here is a woman who works in the adult entertainment industry partying with men who know this, being treated rudely by another man, wondering why no one came to her defense.
Well I just told you why, now is that right?
No it is wrong, some one should of snatched old boy and told him to cool it.
Cause the side effect of those codes is that when you let a knuckle head loose, sooner or later he is going to breed other knuckle heads and sooner or later they are going to disrespect a woman you do care about.
That's why some one should have put on a cape and saved this woman from being disrespected.
