Saturday, February 21, 2009

Beating Up Women.

I haven't said anything on my blog about the Chris Rhianna fiasco cause I figure it was pretty much an open and shut thing.

If he beat her butt he goes to jail.

If she put her hands on him than he should get a pass,( I don't believe in taking butt whippings for free, keep your hands to your self people and there wont be any problems).

Besides every one else has taken up the issue and are more familiar and knowledgeable about the topic than I am.

I have never put my hands on a woman.

As much smack talking I do I just cant see my self getting in a situation were that would happen in my right mind and I got the type of slick mouth that would make a woman want to put hands on me you can ask some bloggers about that.

Not that I don't think I am capable of putting my hands on a woman, there was the time I broke up with an ex and she took up with some one while we were still talking things out.

I saw her in bed with the dude and I went nuts, I tried to get at them through the door but it wouldn't give.

I don't know what I would have done if I got in, but I thank God I didn't find out, no need to test the Lords affinity for children and fools I say.

But that is the only time I ever wanted to hurt a woman.

Hell the moment a woman starts getting loud I am looking for the front door, that's one of my flaws.

I have left a lot of women over minor disagreements just so I wont have to do the arguing that is sometimes required to get through somethings.

That way I wont be reminded about my mother and father and how they argued and how they fought.

I am not sure what effect it had on me other the usual broken home story but they say people who grew up around violence reach for it as an solution to problems.

So I do what a lot of men do when the topic pops up, condemn it quickly and get the hell out of dodge.

That way I don't have to give it much thought other than to crack a joke when opportunity arises.

And the Chris and Rhianna incident is no different, file it away under that's messed up........ oh well back to business.

But for a dude that doesn't beat on women the issue seems to pop up quite a bit in my life.

I can recall at least one incident of domestic violence I have seen or know about every years since I came to Georgia ten years ago at least.

The latest one to pop up one me is courtesy of my Ex.

I talked briefly about her experience here.

A year ago "Frosty", her ex after me, beat her over the head with a night stand in front of her child, she escaped by jumping over a balcony rail to a neighbors house and called the police.

I have no doubt in my mind the way she described it that night if she didn't get away he would have killed her.

He winds up getting arrested after awhile and serves time on an unrelated warrant violation.

Now her case is coming up and she is nervous about being in the same room with him despite it being in the court house.

She called me Thursday to ask me to go with her when they call her to testify next month.

I was going to make an excuse or wait awhile to say no but she met up with me Friday to show me something she had of his.

She had gone through his things when he was on the run and found a journal from a previous ex of his and wanted me to read it.

Sobering is what I can best call it.

This other woman had kept a journal of the beating he had given her, the very first page she said that she wrote the journal to leave behind evidence in case anything happened to her.

In case he killed her.

What I read was very uncomfortable, she described in detail how this dude would lose his temper over the slightest thing and she was made to pay for it.

He locked him self out the house when she wasn't there and beat her by holding her down and punching her in the leg.

There was the time she accidentally broker his gold chain and he punched her repeatedly in the chest.

The night her brother called her and he flew into a jealous rage and beat her unconscious.

Than there was the time she accused him of trying to sleep with her sister and he beat her with a belt.

The last page was how he actually beat her sister so badly for trying to defend her, he tore a portion of the sisters upper lip off.

That was the end.

Through out the journal she kept wishing she was dead, even documenting a time she took 15 pills of some 500mg medicine but failed at the suicide attempt.

She got beat for that too.

You could teach domestic violence class off what she wrote.

All the signs were there, isolation, depression, unbalanced temper everything they tell you as warning signs of a perpetrator and victim were there, including including blaming her self.

I don't know how this dude got his hands on her journal or if she is alright, or if the cops investigated at all after my ex showed it to them.

But I felt ill at ease after reading it.

So I told my Ex I would go with her when the time comes partly to support her and partly to get a look at this dude.

Not that it matters, I know men and have called some friends who have done things to women.

They don't have horns growing out of their heads, no tails, some of them were really cool.

But I guess that's what is most disturbing about it, you cant tell by looking at them.

And now the Chris Brown incident takes a twist in my head.

When I first heard about it the first thing that popped in my head is, what did she do?

What did she do to set him off.

I know I wasn't the only one thinking it, hell people were out right saying it, we wrote are own scenarios of what happened, she hit him first when he got a call from another woman, he find out he got herpes from her, she spit in his face, on and on.

Grasping onto something that would rationalize what happened and both unintentionally or intentionally providing a way out for him and the issue of violence against women.

Every one including me had something to say or are scared to say something about it.

Even now I am unsure how to feel about it, or what should be done about it, this is a matter for cooler heads than mine in my opinion.

But what I do know is that the issue of domestic violence has taken a back seat to sensationalism and celebrity watch with those two.

The teaching moment is quickly being lost, and yes there is a teaching moment here for little girls and boys and men as well.

A lot of times when men become the topic of discussion for wrong doing by women the one step on the path of solving the problem is rarely taken.

And that's talking to men about it.

Men are the ones doing it and men should be addressed about it.

But the reaction seems to be to huddle up among women, curse the men out, swear not to have anything to do with them and shoot dirty looks at men when they walk by.

Men mean while shake our heads and pretend were are born with out eyes, ears, or mouths.

Ain't me and ain't nobody I know so not my problem, that's usually the thinking.

I am no scientist but I am pretty sure that wont solve anything.

Think about it, do you think a man on the street who has been surrounded and experienced violence in his life and has accepted it as a problem solving solution cares were a woman is from, who she is with, what degree she has, what her preferences are, if he gets it in his mind that she is asking for it?

If a man plays nice with a woman, showing no signs of violence, until she has committed emotionally and mentally to him you think she is going to be able to walk out just like that?

My Ex saw signs with Frosty and she stayed with him till he almost killed her.

The woman in the journal documented day after day of abuse and I didn't read one thing about her trying to leave.

No, this is a matter for men to speak on openly and honestly in order to get answers and solutions, but you can just feel how things are going are going that the opening for that is quietly being closed again till the next time it makes the front page news about two people we all think we know and don't know us.

Other posts with similar topics I have done.

Street Harassment

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Violence against women: Mildred Beaubrun

Do Not Drink The Kool Aid 4 : Rape and Politics.

PFC Lavena Johnson