Tuesday, November 18, 2008

True Story 16: You my good lady get the gas face.

I was going to move into this apartment once they had a one bedroom available in a very nice neighborhood, close to all the thing i might ever need.

I am a pure blooded city cat, I hate country everything, only time I want to see green is in a potted plant on my patio.

I love city everything is there for your connivance 24 hours and usually a quick walk around the corner.

How ever thanks to the double edge sword called gentrification finding a place in the city of Atlanta that is reasonable in price and location is a joke.

Never mind that Atlanta still has an identity issue going on now knowing if they want to make the into full world city or just the more sophisticated city of the south.

Don't let the past Olympics and professional sports teams fool you Atalanta is just a souped up college town.

Any time you still got the Governor of a state hanging off the word of rural towns at the expense of a city than you my friend are small potatoes.

But back to me, so I had to settle with living in Metro Atlanta which is too country for me.

I don't like living anywhere they don't have side walks every where.

So this time I decided to move into a spot that was as close to a city as i could get as in right in the middle of the town.

Now my first choice there was nothing really special about the place other than it was convenient to all the stores and the transit system in case I was to have to stop driving.

But the problem was that it is located way to close to the city which makes it a hot commodity, plus the fact that they barely do rent increases so the apartments are still running around the price range of pre-gentrification.

But the waiting list was outrageous and nobody wanted to move out.

So on to option two, the ghetto version of option one.

Less than a ten minute walk from option one but lower rent loaded with working class and immigrants, basically the hood.

Both of them right near each other, just like a city.

I go through the process of preparing to move into option two hoping that one would come down and save me with a last second opening.

Nope back to the ghetto with me, now I am coming from a house where i was living for like three years so I lost my apartment senses, the ones that kick in when you got a leasing office that is half assed.

I was busy hustling with work, school and chaos in the home front that I never gave the leasing lady much attention because I didn't have the time, so I never caught the red flags.

1- I get all my paper work done, deposit down, within a week, I am just waiting for them to check my back ground and credit.

This is a two months before I want to move in, it takes them a month to get back to me to give me the green light.

That doesn't even come close to sounding right, most of these places can tell you in a day.

2- So one month before my move in date I am waiting for them to give them my address. I call and they tell me well they are waiting to see if some one moves out of one of the upper units because they know I want to be on the upper deck.

I say OK, but in the back of my mind I am saying well are they not supposed to get at least a 2 months notice if some one is moving out?

3- A week before I am scheduled to move in I get the address but at that point I am screwed because the cable company likes to take their sweet time so it will be like a month before I get them to hook me up.

Oh and to top it off I am at the bottom, anyway after all that.

4- The day I am to move in I go to check the place out, this is when things get good.

Me and the leasing lady go down there to inspect, she is telling me that the cleaning lady just left.

We get in there and I see the fresh track marks of a vacuum on the carpet and the white walls.

OK, good.

We get to the kitchen and freeze, or rather I freeze.

The kitchen is a mess, the counter has stains all in it from spilled drinks and food from the past tenant.

And, there are roaches.


So I am looking around afraid to walk around, and you know what this broad does?

She goes on and tells me about the amenities of the place, like she doesn't see anything.

I am thinking like, word?


It's like that?

Were going to pretend we don't see any of this mess in here?

Now let me tell you about me, I believe in giving somebody as much rope as they need to hang themselves.

I'll give them all they want than as soon as they get that noose around there neck I'll hit the gas and run there butts up that tree like a flag up a pole.

So we proceed to move on to the bathroom where again it is a mess, the tub has not been cleaned, the bottom is black.

The sink as well and both have big chunks of paint missing out of it.

And yet she goes one talking.

Still playing that game huh?

That's cool.

We move on to the rest of the place and i am nodding my head and smiling at this dummy.

We get to the front door to leave and that's where I decided to show my monkey ass.

Me: Are you done?

Her: Yes did you have any questions?

Me: Why yes I do? Do I look like an idiot?

You would have thought I back hand slapped her, the look on her face.

Her: I am sorry?

Me: Do I look like an idiot? Because that's what I have to be for me to accept the way this place looks, you don't see these roaches?

Her: Oh will get some one down here to spray the place, you don't have to talk like that.

Me: Why not? You obviously think I am one if your going to show me this place in this condition.

She is clearly uncomfortable at this point, it's all over face and her voice but I don't give a damn, I am what we call .38 hot.

Me in full 100% Ni$%A mode: You actually think I was going to think this is cool, like I am some crack head and this is an upgrade from the trap house I just came from?

I walk back to the kitchen.

You see this counter, the stains?

Would you cook food in here?

Here now, realizing that she is dealing with a nut alone in an empty apartment: I can get some body in here today to do the counter and the bathroom too, I'll have them redo the carpet when there done.

I already knew that was BS.

Me: I want to push my move in time from tomorrow (a Tuesday) to Thursday, so you got time to do it right.

We leave and make are way back to the office and not one time does she apologise for the condition of the place or even give a reason, but that's OK, because I am still going off on her telling her how unprofessional she is for this.

She is walking quickly to the office with me hot on her ass.

We get to the leasing management door and I tell her I will check the progress tomorrow.

Thursday comes and the place looks like a new place all together, I later find out from one of my neighbors that it was a family of 8 that was staying in there.

A one bedroom.

Every Friday this month I have called them to send the exterminator over despite the fact that I haven't seen any roaches like that since the first look.

I do it to harass them.

So to the leasing lady for trying to be slick you get the Gas Face.