Exclusive First Look: The Sarah Palin Porn Flick
Larry Flynt unabashed defender of all things smut has decided to film a porn film with a Sarah Palin look a like.
The script goes as follows:
(Open on the PALIN residence, Wasilla, Alaska. Evening. Governor SARAH PALIN is sitting on the couch, reading "all of the magazines." She is wearing a satin negligee and bunny slippers. Her luxurious brown hair is in a bun. Her glasses rest just so on the bridge of her nose. TODD is out of town on business. TRIGG is peacefully asleep upstairs. There is a firm knock at the door.
PALIN puts down her reading material and goes to answer it.)
PALIN: Who is it?
GRUFF MALE VOICE: It's JOE, the tanning-bed repairman.
(PALIN unlocks the door and opens it)
PALIN: Hiya! You were supposed to be here two hours ago, doncha know?
JOE: I'm sorry. My snowmobile broke down outside of Matunska. I had to walk the rest of the way.
PALIN: Well, you're in luck. I just baked a batch of chocolate-chip cookies. Why don't you come inside and I'll fix you a plate of 'em?
(JOE obliges. He takes a seat on the couch. PALIN enters the kitchen and returns shortly after with the cookies. She gives them to JOE, but not before looking him up and down.)
PALIN: My oh my. That's quite a toolbelt you have on. It looks heavy.
JOE: I have a big hammer.
PALIN: Oh, I betcha do. I love a big hammer. But I love screwdrivers, too! And wrenches. The fact is I love and respect all of America's diverse tools, big and small. They're what helps make us so great as a nation. Here, let me take that off for ya.
(PALIN takes a seat on the coach beside JOE and starts to undo his belt. He stops her.)
JOE: Let's go take a look at the tanning bed first.
PALIN: Oooh, okay.
(PALIN leads JOE to the tanning salon in the basement. JOE carefully inspects the machine.)
JOE: Looks like there are just a bunch of screws loose.
PALIN: (seductively) You're in luck. I fully support off-shore and on-shore drilling.
(PALIN pounces on JOE and throws him onto the top of the tanning bed. She quickly rips off his jeans.)
PALIN: God almighty! You are hung like a moose. Now I have to eat ya!
JOE: I'm bigger than a moose. Do you have any contraceptives?
PALIN: It's okay. I already took a morning-after pill.
JOE: Um, are you sure it works that way?
PALIN: Are you asking me if I know what a morning-after pill is? Because I totally do! I'll get back to ya with specifics.
(The two proceed to make furious love in a multitude of positions. PALIN amply demonstrates that she has enough experience.)
PALIN: Fuck me harder! HARDER! Pound me until my head is so empty that I can't even remember the name of the one Supreme Court case I actually know! I want it to burn. Burn like a banned book. Oh God, Oh God, OH MY GOD! MAKE ME SEE RUSSIA FROM HERE!
(After 10 minutes, the two finish.)
PALIN: Wow-eee. I haven't had a ride that good since Todd took me for a spin on the back of his Yamaha at the Tesoro Iron Dog.
JOE: That was amazing. What now?
PALIN: I feel so alive! Let's grab my gay friend and go shoot wolves from the safety of a helicopter.
As porn movies go this isn't half bad, hell porn hasn't used a script with words that had more than 4 letters since the 70s.
But all jokes put to the side this is wrong.
Yes the women is not qualified, she is a bit clueless, hypocritical, and a con artist, but she doesn't deserve this.
This was done because she is a woman, and when women come into a roll of leadership and power the first thing that men who cant look at the facts do is question the woman's intelligence and play up her sexuality.
She is either Nazi lesbian out to kill all men, (see Hillary Clinton), or a clueless bimbo who cant walk and chew gum at the same time.
It's sexist and that's coming from a guy who like me who has been clowning her since day one!
But I do it because I know she is a quick fix choice made by a desperate candidate so hell bent on winning that he is selling out his own values and pushing a woman whose only purpose is to get "disgruntle" women to run into his arms during election.
I don't like people trying to insult my intelligence, especially don't like dumb people trying to do it.
That's why I give Sarah Palin hell.
What hustler is doing though is just low.
The thing that's funny is that it's not even needed.
Sarah Palin has given is doing enough missteps to give comedians an opinion hack like me enough material to last till the next election in 2012.
Thumbs down for the boys at Hustler (and believe me I didn't want to do it).
