Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Pet Peeves 3: Dating Hook Ups

What is it with friends who are in serious relationships, that they feel the need to hook you up with every single friend they come across?

It's like they sit there and plot on you........

"Look at him walking around here like he doesn't have a care in the world, whats he so happy about?"

"Who does he think he is acting like he is happy to be single, he knows he wants to settle down, I don't know why he is frontin."

"He just needs to meet the right woman like my friend......"

The hell I do.

That's how that nonsense starts, it's usually the girlfriend of one of my homeboys that starts this up, I suspect out of fear that a boyfriend with single homeboys is bound to go stray.

They'll ask their boyfriend to do the introducing to me if there nice, if there slick there girlfriend will be conveniently there when ever I show up, or if there bold they will call me up and than hand the phone to some woman and I am supposed to just roll with it.

This is how it is:

1- I like to do my own hunting.

I know what I like and I know what I don't like, chances are when some one tries hooking you up, its with what THEY LIKE FOR YOU.

As if I need saving, if Jesus cant do it what the hell makes you think you can?

Like a friend who refuses to introduce me to any of her slutty gold digging friends but has no problem introducing me to the woman next in line to achieve Sainthood.

Mean while she is introducing those same chicks to "good dudes" and wondering why those dudes come out of it bitter as hell.

I no longer have a heart to break, send those trifling broads to me!!

2- To close to the fire.

I do not like crossing friendships and relationships, because I know I am hard to handle, if she is a friend of yours than sooner or later she is going to start talking to you about me.

And of course you will feel obligated to butt your nose into my business and risk screwing all of our friendships up.

3- I don't like spending money or time with women with attitudes.

I cant judge a woman's attitude till I am alone with her.

Away from the friend who does the hook up because I know that true colors wont be shown till than.

I am a reasonable dude and care free with it but I got some old school ways, like I do not do dutch, if we are out on a date than I pay, that's it.

I had a woman insisting that she pay as if my treating her was obligating her to marriage or giving it up later that night.


I do not do the "well I think you kind of owe me" game.

To grown for that, if I thought it would have to come down to that to get some from her than I would of negotiated price up front like "so what you need baby light bill? Cable bill, something on the rent?".

Lets cut to the chase and start to negotiate.

So I insisted to her that she go hang with some one else while I worked the bar.

Do that independent woman/hear me roar mess with some one else.

4- The timing is always off.

Because I am either not looking, just don't want to be bothered, or have to many things going on in my life that adding a woman to the equation is like begging for cancer.

5- Hook ups usually move to fast.

Instead of trying to take the time to feel some one out they want answer for everything more than once.

I don't like to explain every little thing I do or don't do, like, why don't you smile, (cause ain't damn thing funny).

How come your not saying anything (got nothing to say).

Is there something wrong (no, if there is you will be the first to know).

And so on and so on.

6- You don't know me to be asking about my personal business.

Yeah we are supposed to get to know each other but if getting to know me comes off like you work for the IRS or the Feds than it's wrong.

I went out with a woman once when I was doing work for a music production company.

She had ideas about starting her own, and was asking me about it.

But the questions she was asking were along the range of how much money the company makes, what type of contracts are the artist signed to, real detailed things.

I explained to her that I really couldn't give out that information,.

So this chick blows up on me like it was something personal with her, talking about how she is going to make it with out help and that's whats wrong with black people we act like crabs.

She is straight up screaming on me all of a sudden like I'm a child, her damn child.

And to make matters worse I am riding with her and I forgot my cell phone, but F%^&^ that, I don't say a word, wait till she stops at a light get out the car in traffic leaving her car door open and beg passer by for change to catch the bus than train home.

I know some dudes that would have choked that broad out at the light.

7- Were on a date not a job interview.

Hook ups don't know how to relax an enjoy the time regardless, to hell bent on trying to impress instead of being themselves.

So when you talk to them they sound like they are trying to be hired for a job, talking about what school they went to, what degrees they have, what there expectations are, personality traits and so on.

Like I need those things from you.

What the hell do I care how much you make?

You still ain't paying for dinner.

Any way that's my another pet peeve of mine, hook ups.