Now I think I talked about Born Again Virgins, if not they are basically people who have had sex outside of marriage one or "ho" amount of times and decided that now they understand that they sinned against God so they are going to keep it in the pants till marriage.
Sounds like celibacy to me but hey tomatoes tomAtoes.
Well science has has found a way of helping God out and the many sinners he loves so much.
Introducing the Artificial Virginity Hymen!
"It's now easier than ever to avoid the shame of being exposed as an impure woman, thanks to the Artificial Virginity Hymen! It leaks fake blood and causes your vagina to become inflamed and swollen, all for just $14.90."
That's right ladies, take back your drunken prom night, or that time you sat on Uncle Chester's lap, by getting a brand new hymen!
Go back in time when you were as pure as the untouched snow before every one played in it.
Back when you were daddy's girl and not"daddy's" girl.
Back when you and the Virgin Mary had more in common than just being women.
Now you can start fresh and and tight with the memories of your scandals long behind you, as the "right" man makes an honest women out of you.
That way come honey moon night the proud husband can puff his chest out with vigor and joy after he deflowers you and the bed looks like a crime scene that any homicidal maniac would be glad to rest his head on.
This way he can show the world evidence of your Mother Mary like womb and his friends can pat him in on the back.
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy!!!!
Unfortunately nothing has come out for men however I hear that scientist are working closely with the Jonas Brothers....
...to come with a soul saving solution for us men.
Forgive Me Father For I Know What I Do And I Don't Care.