I went to the liquor store around my way to get something to drink for my night off.
As I am getting out of the car some one who was hanging out front calls my name, now if you been to a liquor store you know that there is nothing positive about the people hanging out in front of one, so when I hear my name I am curious.
I look up at a woman and my mind slowly puts together the memory to answer the puzzle standing in front of me.
She was nearly a foot taller than me, (I am 5'7 so that is not unusual), hair in a bun with bangs in the front.
Skin that was once mocha colored was now dark from too much time in the sun, but giving it a burned look as opposed to a tan.
I knew exactly who she was and like a bomb going off in my head I knew what she was doing out here.
Will call her Amazon, because compared to me that's what she looked like.
I met the Amazon one day leaving work from the health facility I used to work at.
I know I was in a good mood that day because once I saw her at the bus stop I went over immediately and struck up a conversation.
Usually when I leave work I don't want to talk to anyone till I relax.
Got the number and long story short, went out with her a couple of times.
But I broke it off after a couple of dates when I found out she was a recovering crack addict.
She told me after dinner when I wanted to order drinks and she didn't want any, see when your an addict to drugs it is best that you avoid all mind alternating drugs even legal ones cause that can cause you to relapse into your drug of choice.
So of course she was avoiding that trigger, as to not mess up her 1 year of being clean.
When she told me I was shook up, the first thing in my mind was has she ever been to the rehab and mental health facility I worked at, cause if she did I was violating ethical codes by dating her.
She told me no but at that point I had already made my decision that this was going to be the last date.
I stopped returning calls and eventually she got the hint.
I ran into her a couple of months later coming out of a store, she was with a man who I could tell was her boyfriend, we both made eye contact and passed each other by with out a word spoken.
A couple of months after that she relapsed and found her way to the place I worked at seeking help.
I checked her in not even recognizing her till she asked me how I was doing, I felt bad for her but I was not surprised, they say when your in recovery it is best to avoid relationships because the stress of a relationship when it goes south can trigger a relapse.
I have heard were some have recommended going at least two years before entering into a serious relationship again.
So when I saw her at the clinic I knew right off the bat it was the boyfriend who triggered the fall.
I avoided her all through her treatment and put her out of mind till she was discharged.
And now there she was looking like she walked a 100 miles in flip flops asking me for some change.
I told her I wasn't going to give her any, not that I didn't have it but I wasn't going to give it.
I wanted her to know that I knew what she was going to do with it and I wasn't going to help.
We small talked for a awhile and she told me she fell off the wagon two weeks prior, I offered her a ride to the rehab clinic but she refused, she basically had not hit bottom yet.
She than asked me to buy her something to eat because she had not eaten in a while, and like a fool I bought her a box of chicken even as my mind screamed that she was just going to try to trade or sell it to get the money up to get her hit.
As soon as she got it she said good bye and headed off to the hotel where I was positive the dope boys were dealing out of.
I didn't date her long enough to get attached to her in some way, but I felt pity for her none the less.
In my mind I kept saying maybe if I did this or told her that she would have gotten in the car with me and checked her self in to the clinic.
Or if I didn't run from her when I first found out her problem she wouldn't have been out on these streets.
I feel sad, angry, regret, and pity for her, like I could have done something before, after, and now.
But the bottom line is you cant help some one who doesn't want help, especially an addict.
I know this, you learn it fast when working with addicts, some of them got to hit bottom first in their life to even address the problem and even than they have to want to change.
Only thing I could do was to stop going to that liquor store after that.
