Monday, August 25, 2008
True Story 11: What Do You When Your Homeboy Comes Out Of The Closet To You? (Part 2 conclusion)
So he tells me he is on the DL.
And despite the fact that I suspected and really was almost certain of it at this point when it came out in the open it gave me pause.
Like, well you dragged that out of him genius what are you going to do with it now?
So I tell him yeah I figured that out already.
He asks how, and I go over with him the pieces of the puzzle that I put together after I figured out there was an actual puzzle to figure out.
He laughs telling me that the Chinese girl said he should tell me, but he said he didn't feel comfortable telling me.
So now I feel guilty as hell, and I began to run a mental list of anything I have done that he might of taken offense to.
Have I used the word faggot?
I don't think so.
Talking about women with him like he is straight?
All the damn time.
I stop short of apologizing since I am not sure what I did if anything, but I explain to him it's cool with me and that were still cash.
He texts me lol and we go over again how it happen, he asks me over for cocktails, (no pun), for the next day I say I'm there.
The next day comes around and it completely slip my mind.
I feel bad cause I'm thinking, great what if he is thinking that I stood him up because I am uncomfortable.
So I blow his phone up apologising and he says it's cool and we reschedule.
And like every day till than I'm calling him to do small talk, (I hate small talk I'm a say what you got to say and get the hell off my phone type of dude), to prove to him that I'm cool with having a gay friend despite the fact that we spoke maybe once a week before than when I thought he was straight.
So now I start worrying if I'm over doing it.
Than I get pissed since I don't even sweat women I date like this yet I'm worried about how a gay dude feels.
The day finally comes and we meet face to face at his place, we give each other a pound pop open a beer in front of the TV and start to talking.
I ask all the typical questions.
How long have you been gay?
Since I was a kid.
Yeah, since I was a kid.
When did you come out?
Your folks know?
Yeah there cool with it.
You still date girls?
No, but I dont tell anybody Im if they dont ask.
The conversation becomes more natural with us joking about were the gay clubs in Atlanta are, with me doing my best not to come off as a hipster by going off about the injustices that gays have to face in the world today, like I was a gay Malcolm X.
The conversation shifts to what dudes normally talk about, sports, money, politics and yeah women too, with me domintating that part of the conversation.
I leave out with us say will hang out again.
And that was it, no big deal after that.
One of my favorite quotes that I posted,(got to get back on that BTW), goes like this.
It is bad when one thing becomes two.
One should not look for anything else in the Way of the Samurai.
It is the same for anything that is called a Way.
Therefore, it is inconsistent to hear something of the Way of Confucius or the Way of the Buddha, and say that this is the Way of the Samurai.
If one understands things in this manner, he should be able to hear about all Ways and be more and more in accord with his own.
-"Hagakure" Yamamoto Tsunetomo-
The lesson I get from out of the quote is about tolerance, and having the self confidnce to be in the mist of the unfamiliar.
You are who you are and nothing can change you, so you should fear nothing.
A real Christian can live next door to a Muslim and not lose faith, or question the others faith.
Conversate about it, highlight differences, but move on with their lives.
Chinese next to Japanese, white next to black, and so on.
The problem to me comes in when you choose to pretend the other doesnt exist at all.
Im not gay, so why would I get bent out of shape about it?
Sounds cool right?
No weight on my shoulders.
Thats the way I saw it, but it was easy taking that stance because it was never like I had to deal with it right there in my face.
All my other experiances with gays I had I could walk away from them with a laugh, saying "oh those silly gay people look what they are doing".
But Im doing that with out really having to make a decision about how I truely felt about it because I could easily erase the experiance from my life.
Dont know them, not cool with, have nothing against them so why the hell should I care what they do, or what they have to go through.
And thats the problem with that type of thinking, what I was doing before was not really tolerating or accepting them but ignoring them.
They are not some one that are a constant part of my life that I have to deal with, just something that pops up every now and than leaves just as quickly.
I got to deal with white people in this country there all over the place, I have to deal with black people, religion, women on and on.
I have to make a decision and take a stance about how I feel about issues dealing with them as it pertains to my life.
No ignoring there lives and patting myself on the back for being progressive enough not to hate them.
Thats a cop out.
But thats what I was doing with gays, just ignoring them and holding my head high because I was cool enough not to hate them.
But that changes when you have the baby lying in front of your door step and you now have to make the decision on whether to close the door on it or not.
Thats a little to close to home for comfort.
Which was how it felt when my homeboy came out the closet to me.
So I made a decision.