Joke for the Day

A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, 'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world..'

The woman replies, 'I'll miss you...'

LMAO!: Beware of the black in you.

My man had the white voice down tight right up untill.........

Joke for the day: Sunday thought.

This one is from my home girl Bria

A man who has lived a good life arrives at the Pearly Gates and St.
Peter greets him and asks him if he would like a tour of heaven.

The guy says sure and they go into heaven.

First he takes the man to the part of heaven where all the Jews are and
they see all of the jews doing the things that they love to do.

Then just across the way they go to see where all of the Muslims are
and they are praying and reading the Koran.

Then Peter takes him a long way away from the Jews and the Muslims to
the Christian part of heaven.

The man asks Peter why the Christians are
so far away and Peter says "shhh they think they are the only ones here".

Joke for the day: Harry

( I got a hang over that wont quit messing around at Chit Chat so this one is late)


A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should?be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'







...remember, friends are family by choice.

Joke for the day: THE WHY'S OF MEN

Because I believe in equal opportunity laughter.

THE WHY'S OF MEN

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?
(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG? (they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?
(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)


5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN? (don't know.....it never happened)


8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?
(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Joke for the day: Jan 29

There are two guys in a bar...one says, "Did your hear the news - Mike
is dead!!!"

"Whoa, what the heck happened to him?" asks the other guy.

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he
arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit
the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof -
Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom
window."

"What a horrible way to die!" says the other guy.

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed
in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the
floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room
and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just
dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing
down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the
wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull
himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks
and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the
broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor,
sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the
downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the
kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big
pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and
burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground,
covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull
himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch
and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity
didn't mix and so he got electrocuted -- 10,000 volts shot through
him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that..."

"Hold on now, just how did he die?" asks the other guy.

"I shot him!" the first guy exclaims.

"You shot him? What the heck did you shoot him for?"

"The son of a bitch was wrecking my house!"

Quick Joke: Jan 21

DIVORCE VS. MURDER

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, "I would like to buy some cyanide."

The pharmacist asked, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?"

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband." .

The pharmacist's eye got big and he exclaimed, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law! I'll lose my license!"

"They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not!"

"You CANNOT have any cyanide!"

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied,"Well now, that's different. You
didn't tell me you had a prescription."

Quick Jokes and Facts: Jan 4

If vegetarians don’t want meat why are they always trying to make their food taste like meat: Tofu Turkey, Veggie Burgers, Veggie Bacon.


Bad news Atlanta leads the nation in Bank robberies the good news is that Atlanta traffic is so bad the crooks never get away.

Joke for the Day: Jan 3

Little Johnny walked in one day on his daddy in the bathroom.

He asked his father what that was hanging between his legs.

His father replied that it was the perfect penis.

The next day at school, Johnny pulled his pants down in front of his

classmates.

"What's that?" asked Jenny.

"Well," said Johnny, "if it was about 3 inches smaller, it would be
the perfect penis."

Quips, Quotes, Jokes, or Facts: Dec 28

When You Get fired from a Lingerie store do you get a pink slip?